Words of the day (yes, plural!)
Spoony- foolishly or sentimentally amorous.
Amorous- being in love.
I knew I said that I'd write about my family and my mother in this entry, but I had this whole big thing typed on Microsoft Word and when I went to paste it in here it made it all one long paragraph. So I had to delete it and now I'm going to have to start over but I just don't feel like putting myself through the emotional rollercoaster of writing about my family twice in one day so I will do it sometime tomorrow. As of right now I'm going to talk about a common topic that will probably come up in most of my blog entires, (and already has come up in most of my blog entries) Chorus Boy.
I am spoony. I like him more than I can really grasp. I've always had crushes on people but it was always something sort of silly and never too serious. I've only been serious about dating three people before Chorus Boy, and I only dated one of those three people. I came really close to dating McDreamy at one point, but it just didn't work out and even though it's over Addison is convinced that me and McDreamy will get married one day because we're just extremely close. Who knows? Maybe we will. But, I digress, I'm never really serious about dating anyone. Three people in nineteen years, that's not a lot of people to want to date. Maybe, it's because I'm too picky or maybe I just know what I want and not a lot of people offer that, or maybe I'm a little afraid of commitment, who knows. All I know is that I can seriously see myself dating Chorus Boy, I see myself holding his hand and walking around town going on dates. I see him offering to pay for dinner and opening doors for me. I see all that romantic stuff that every normal girl sees when she has a crush that I rarely ever see.
The problem is that I don't even know if he's like this. I've never spoken to him, he could be the total opposite of what I think. I think he's so great, when I really don't know if he is. I want to date someone I'm not even sure exists. I hate admitting that to myself so much, because I seem like this crazy girl who likes someone she never met. I normally don't get like this, I've never been like this before, but I just can't help myself. I'm around him and I get really good feelings about him, I get all giggly and smile a lot and I hate people who are like that. I don't like being really girly, I wear dresses and make-up but I don't have what anyone could call a girly personality. I like talking about surgery and cars and I like to curse, I blast my music in my car and roll down my windows and I laugh if one of my friends trips and falls. Of course I have my girl qualities but I'm never going to be one of those girls that goes "Like, Oh my God! Did you see his hair, he got it cut and it totally makes him look like a hottie.".
I want to know him. I want him to know my darkest secrets and understand how I feel about my family. I want him to be the first person I turn to when I write something good and read it. I want him to know what I'm going to say before I actually say it. I want everything adorable between me and him. I desperately want to share things with him, and more than that I want him to want to share things with me. I want to know how many girlfriends he's had, and the first time he fell in love and what his family is like. I want to know everything. I want to, for the first time in my life, have a relationship with a boy that isn't dysfunctional.
I just think that all of these dreams are never going to happen.
Ta for now!
-Becca