Killer Kali.

I believe I gained some wisdom.

kalim — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 04:52:00 GMT

I got my wisdom teeth stolen on Monday. It was all fine and dandy for awhile. They gave me laughing gas that made me feel that floaty, spinny feeling. Then they gave me medicine in my IV to make me 'sleepy'. Yeah, screw that. It made me sleep. I wasnt expecting to sleep. I was expecting to be totally awake yet unaware. So when I woke up, I totally freaked out and was crying and hyperventilating and stuff. So yeah. Now I miss crunchy food. I miss my mouth not tasting funny. I miss being able to talk normally. But all together, its not horrible. Just unfortunate.

More things that are ok:
Sleeping in.
Staying up late.
Not brushing your teeth for a few days. (Trust me, we all do it.)
Laughing at other peoples demise.
Not knowing some things.
Complaining. Alot.

One day this will make you proud.

kalim — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 19:22:00 GMT

So I was very perseptive last night. Whatever that means.. I was thinking about when I was little, I wouldnt let any part of my body go over the edge of my bed, like my feet or arms or whatever. Because if I did, the monsters under my bed would reach up and grab me and pull me under. And Ive been thinking, theres a lot of things in our lives that we think we cant do or that arent acceptable to society these days. But in reality, its ok.
Its ok to sing in public, it makes it better when people get irritated with you.
Its ok for boys to somehow know that you like them, and then point it out to you.
Its ok to do things that are bad for you sometimes.
Its ok to wear high heels with clothes that dont match.
Its ok to be indecisive.
Its ok to stay at work for hours when your not even working.
Its ok to listen to the Mormons that come to your house sometimes.
Its ok to eat tons of chocolate days before your getting teeth pulled.
Its ok to buy things for yourself sometimes.
Its ok to sleep in on your days off.
Its ok to be ok with your body.
Its ok to go see a movie by yourself.
Its ok to be alone.

So I challenge you guys, just like Jordyn challenged us to make a list of things that make us happy. Make a list of things that are ok.

Exit Here.

kalim — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 17:45:00 GMT

This book, by Jason Myers, was absolutely amazing. At the beginning, I wasn't really sure how good it was going to be. It seemed like those stories you write when your little, with excruciating detail and bad descriptions. But in actuality, it was perfect. Everything was so real and so raw. The main character, Travis Wayne, is the son of the guy that owns like half of the city. He's one of those 'perfect' characters that no one likes, but he's not. He fights his father throughout the whole book and learns alot about how amazingly screwed up his life really is. Lets be honest, I suck at book reviews, but as for a recommendation, this book is totally worth it.

My one hundred happies.

kalim — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 06:29:00 GMT

This will be amazing, seeing as how there are alot of things making me UNhappy right now.

Maxamillion. He is ah-mazing.
Driving with my music up really loud.
Goodbye Elliot. They are ah-mazing.
Riding in the car with Cameron.
Seeing my baby cousin and hearing him talk.
Music lyrics that mean something.
Feeling important.
Staying up late.
Waking up early. Suprisingly, once Im up Im happy.
Getting off work early enough to see my family.
asofterworld.com. They're great.
postsecret.com. They're fabulous.
Snow.
Swimming.
Buying Earth Day shirts.
Babies.
Books that are completely not mainstream and are all about the tragic lives of teenagers.
Overcoming my shyness and talking to the bands at the last show.
Kyle and the other guy from Hazel and Vine who taught me the hand hug.
Notes and pages of song lyrics from Erica.
Texts from Erica that have song lyrics so that I can finish them and then we tell eachother "I love you."
When people share in the tortures of my job, even when they dont even work there. Atleast they care.
Dreams.
Having conversations with people on the desks at school.
My old biology teacher.
Texting.
Typing.
Writing.
Listening to music.
Reading.
Doing the whole internet thing.
Hardcore dancing.
Singing.
The Warehouse.
Seeing people come into the movies.
The preview for Pineapple Express.
Christian.
Indie films on IFC that are totally bizzare.
Fuse.
Chris and Johnny Stimac. They are amazing musicians and singers. Not to mention amazing people.
Remembering my childhood.
Sleeping.
Dozing.
Writing a good story.
My plans for after high school.
Late night TV.
New songs that are world changing.
Maxamillion cared today, that meant alot.
His name is not Maxamillion, but Im gonna call him that. That DOES count as a happy people.
Taco Bell.
Wendy's Frosty Shakes.
Sugar-Free Rockstars.
Standing front row at a show.
Knowing when a band will suck and not listening to the suck.
Deep conversations.
Pretty eyed boys.
Useless facts.
Cereal.
Going out to breakfast with my dad.
Screamy music that used to scare me.
The guy at the resturant my dad and me always go to for breakfast. Hes nice.
Victim Effect.
Acrostic Poems.
Im a Junior.
My car.
Being completely happy.
Josh got fired.
My shirt that says, 'Green is the new Black.'
New people.
Twilight is coming out in December.
Buying things online.
Having money.
Getting my paycheck.
Sami.
Incubus.
Panic at the Disco.
Catchy songs.
The Beatles.
Across the Universe.
Doing things right.
Erica.
Sticking up for myself.
The Spill Canvas.
Spontaneous things.
Adventures.
When your at a sleepover and everyone is going to sleep and its really quiet and your the only one still awake.
Coffee.
Ice Cream.
Chocolate.
Ben Barnes.
Driving at night when nobody's around.
Optimistic people.
Myspace surveys.
Music Videos.
The song, Handlebars by Flobots.
The name Max.
Jim Sturgess.
Joe Anderson.
Move Quotes.
Accents.

Oh my.
I did it! That is quite amazing. :]

My life?

kalim — Mon, 19 May 2008 22:32:00 GMT

Everybodys always spending their high school years figuring out what they're going to do. What college am I going to? What classes will I take? What do I need to pass to get into this college? I've decided something, I dont know what Im going to do. I dont know what college I want to go to. And I really dont care. I dont have a problem with not knowing where Im going anymore. I used to feel panicked about it, I was so worried about knowing what was going to happen. But now I know that I dont know and I dont care. Maybe Ill go to college right after school, maybe Ill run away for awhile. Maybe Ill get a high paying job. Maybe Ill just adventure through my life. Thats pretty ok.

March 12th was an extremely busy day for me.

kalim — Wed, 14 May 2008 22:07:00 GMT

I had a play to do that night, you see. So I had to be in all my classes, all day. So, pondering this on the way to school, I wasnt necessarily paying attention and I, well, I kinda hit a truck..
Yes, the 'literary genius', honor roll kid got in a car accident. Totaled my car, got hecka whiplash, and the other car was just alittle bent. So instead of being in all my classes, I was in none. But I still got to perform, thats all I really cared about. Until they towed my poor car away. :[ I cried. That is all for now, just figured Id tell you guys that I attempted to hurt a truck three times bigger than my poor car.

I know what I am not.

kalim — Sun, 20 Apr 2008 16:49:00 GMT

I am not a fighter. But I am not a lover either. I don't make waves unless its necessary and I don't make problems unless someone is being wronged.
I am not an environmentalist. But I want to save the world. I want to spread the love if you will.
I am not a pothead. But I am sort of a hippie I suppose. Peace?
I am not optimistic. I am a cynic. I think some people are disturbed by my view of the world, especially since I haven't had that much time to live it.
I am not pessimistic. I am realistic.
I am not the favorite. I am at the end of the line. The last one standing. The shadow in the dark.
I am not the best friend. I am just the one that is always there.
I am not famous. I am just known.
I am not brave. I am scared to death. Of life. Of love. Of the future. Of the past.
I am not healthy. But I am living.
I am not a straight A student. I am just one of those kids that try.
I am not someone who knows where Im going. But I am someone who knows what I want.
I am not someone who will hurt someone. But I am someone who will live my life for me. Not you.
I am not smart. I am someone who has common sense.
I am not a believer. I am someone who just lives.
I am not a writer. I am the person who writes what they feel.
I am not a poet. I am the person who knows how to use words to their fullest.
I am never the girl who is missed, mentioned, or thought of.
I am never the prettiest girl in the room. But I am the one you remember.

10-20 years from now..

kalim — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 03:33:00 GMT

Im expecting alot to be different. Im also expecting to look back on right now, this very moment, and miss it so much. Im anticipating hating being an adult. I don't want to grow up! I want to be like Peter Pan and be 16 forever. In fact, I think that Peter Pan may just be my hero.. I know a few things I will enjoy though. Ill be on my own, not very dependent on anybody. Maybe Ill have figured out if I want kids yet. :] Or even a husband.. Ill have experienced alot of life, even though I think Ive lived alot in the last 16 years. I know that one day Ill be flipping through the channels and Ill happen upon Spongebob and Ill tell my (maybe) kids that 'I remember when this first aired.' And they'll roll their little eyes. Ill stop on some random channel because I hear someone mention Victoria Newman (anybody else watch The Young and The Restless?) and Ill think, I remember when she was in a coma.
Im afraid that Im going to live as an adult missing my childhood. Like when someone you love dies, everything reminds you of them. And you'll burst out crying when you see their favorite book in the bookstore. Im scared that Ill hear music from Across the Universe and remember the first time I watched it with my best friends. Im scared that when I grow up, Im going to mourn my childhood. Like it was something I lost. Or something that I didn't quite finish living. Which is why I feel really determined to live it to the fullest. But Im not sure how I can do that. How can you fit everything in that you want to do before you turn 20? Or 30? How can you even begin to make that list, much less complete it? Most of all, I feel overwhelmed by the future. What am I going to do with my life? Will I be successful? Am I going to waste away my days in a corner office doing meticulous work? I can say that I refuse to do that now, but what happens when its my only choice? When its the difference between home or homeless? I don't want my life to be meticulous, or annoying, or lifeless. I don't want to hate life. But how can I know how to prevent that? How can I know what Ill want in 20 years? All these things, this is why I don't think about it. Because when I do, it gets out of control and ridiculous. How am I suppose to really live my teenage years when Im stuck in the future?

Small Animals?

kalim — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 02:35:00 GMT

First off, anyone see the video of the US soldier throwing a puppy over a cliff?? Whaaaat is the point, and whyyyy would you even think about doing that? Its like, a foot long little thing, and he cant do anything to defend himself. So why? Their not sure if they video is real yet but if you want to watch it (I wouldnt recommend it but if you want to) go here. http://blog.peta2.com/2008/03/puppy_thrown_from_cliff_in_ira.html Make sure to sign the petition too.
Second, this is very depressing and horribly contrasts to what happened above but this morning, driving to school, a bird ran out in front of my and I sorta kinda accidently hit it. But, it was just so fast and seriously ran right out in front of me. DEFINANTLY not intentional. I was like "NO!" Because, seriously? What a horrible way to start you morning. I guess it just happens..
Now, my aunt and uncle have had this dog for like, almost as long as Ive been living. He was fourteen and my mom told me that he died.. :[ Sadness. He was like the oldest dog in history though so Id like to say that he out lived himself... So..

Oh the freedom.

kalim — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 23:02:00 GMT

Despite the fact that there was a HUGE storm last weekend, (Not really) I have gotten my license. :] The story goes like this.
3 weeks ago, I had an appointment scheduled at the closest DMV to my town. Me and my mom went in to do it and they said that the weather was too bad, road conditions suck, blah blah blah. It was stupid. So I had to reschedule it for yesterday at a different DMV because I am so sick of the other one. (Dont even get me started about my permit.) And so we actually got to do it yesterday. And I passed with an 83%. Which actually is like just barely passing your last final in school. Seriously. Passing grade is 80% and up. So just think about it. I was 3% away from failing. Mannn. Nifty. Anyway. I love driving alone so much. Its just, so free! :] You dont have to worry about about mom or dad in the seat next to you pressing their foot to the invisible brake pedal on the floor. Its just great. I love it. But you know, theres a disadvantage too. Ive only have it for two days and then today after school, my friend knew I wasnt alowed to do it but still he asked, "Kali can I have a ride." I was like "Uhh. No." Im not looking forward to having people do that. But oh well. Thats what I get for being one of the first of my friends to get it.
Now, I have to get a job now that I have this new found freedom. So Ive been applying. And applying. And looking. And looking. But nobody will give me a job. What am I supposed to do? I have to pay for half of my insurance. I have to pay back my grandparents for buying me the car. I have to buy my own gas. I have to pay for a lot of stuff. But I dont have a job. So Ive considered learning some songs and sitting on the corner of the street and play my guitar. If Im good enough I should get some money right? Just kidding. But I dont know. Gonna have to keep searching I guess...
Anyone seen the new commercials for TRUTH? The ones about cigarette facts and stuff. They came up with new ones, they're really kinda weird. I didnt really understand them at first and then my brother told me that they made the commercials like that to show that tobacco companies make cigarettes and such appear appealing to children so thats what they are doing with their commercials, kinda to get kids to watch them. But they're a little freaky..
Anyway. I guess Im done now.
Bye bye.

Anybody who can help. -GSA-

kalim — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 02:38:00 GMT

My school board has deemed the GSA at my school over. They say that there is "No room for a GSA at DHS." My friends are livid, my mom is livid. Me and my mom have done our research and have found that we are within our legal rights to have a GSA at our school. If anybody has experience with this, please let me know. My email is PLEASE email me if you have any information or anything that could help me and my friends.

This ones for Alaska Young!

kalim — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 01:44:00 GMT

Despite the fact that she is a fictional character. And despite the fact the she died at 3 am on my birthday. I love her. I love her, my crooked neighbor with all my crooked heart. Better yet. I love John Green, and The Colonel, and Takumi, and especially Pudge. I. Love. This. Book. It makes me want to write about last words, and the labrynth of suffering, and white lilies, and high school pranks. It is most definantly the root of all my inspiration.

That is all. :]

Heath Ledger??

kalim — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 01:39:00 GMT

So I didnt even know who he was. And then my friend texted me and was like "Heath Ledger died." So I looked it up and apparently hes the one from Brokeback Mountain. Which Ive never seen before. And in the movie, theres Jake Gyllinghal (however you spell his name). So now I wanna watch Brokeback Mountain. :]

Thats all for now..
Oh yeah! Did I tell you guys about our GSA at my school? Well we didnt get approved for our posters. They were deemed to be "negative" and we were told to get the word out by simply telling people. Augh. Its so annoying. And now its Courtwarming week and all of the hallways at our school are all dressed up in certain themes and Im really mad because we cant have pretty colorful posters promoting tolerance among gays but they can put stuff in the hallways however they wish? Mad.

New new new..

kalim — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 01:18:00 GMT

So Im currently in my new house. Surrounded by a few very expensive things. All of which I only inherited by luck. My grandparents retired and are at the moment traveling across the States in their shiny RV. Again, we got the house by sheer luck. First of all, the fireplace. Who doesn't want a fireplace? Their so fabulous! And hey! It ACTUALLY makes real fire. Unlike the one in my apartment that ran on gas and cost a bunch to do anything with. Then we have a big screen TV. The only reason they don't get it is because its stuck in the wall. :] My brothers excited about watching and playing football on it, me and my mom are excited about playing Guitar Hero 3 on it. :D Then we have the $400 carpet. It even has a name! My, my my. Its about 2 inches thick and is only a few yards long. Again, sheer luck. Last but not least, the 20 something year old grandfather clock. Again, inherited by the fact that its too big to take cross country. And of course the house is twice as big as my apartment and I can play music really loud now. And guess what? I don't have people banging on the walls all night! Yay! We also got 2 new cats. And my mom let me adopt a dog for my birthday too. We went to the Nevada Humane Society and got him for about $25. Hes a beagle named Fonzie. I know, cool huh? Anyway. Just unpacking now.. Bleehh.

Oh yeah. And Extreme Home Makeover is about 5 or 10 miles away from me. :]

Its my birthday and I will most CERTAINLY cry if I freakin want to.

kalim — Fri, 11 Jan 2008 22:38:00 GMT

Well, Im 16 now. Whoo. At the moment I am completely miffed. More miffed than one should be but ah well. Really all that makes me feel better right now, is the picture that my friend drew of me today. And the fact that I get a dog. :] It all started when I went to my 5th period after lunch and discovered that someone so inconspiculously taped a post it on my backpack that said "Its ok to be gay." Usually, Im not bothered at all by this because, frankly, Im not gay. But many of my comrades are and Im immediatly gay by association. Everytime. I attempted to not let it bother me. I put it on one of the balloons my friend gave me and didnt let it get to me. But it DID. So much. Because Im sick of it. Im sick of being labeled as gay. Because IM NOT. I support gays intensely. But I am not gay. Is it bad to accept gay people and actually NOT look at them with disgust? Is it bad to advertise my support? Apparently so. And I feel sorry for anybody who thinks so. And they'll have a metaphorical handprint on their face when we have our first GSA meeting. Im anticipating lots of ridicule. Too much in fact. But our school is due a revolution.
And I have some creepy guy constantly wanting to touch me.. And I yelled at him about it today. He acted like he was innocent. No.
Anyway.. Anyone know what kinda dog I should get?