November 2007 - Posts

  • Jezebel and lots of rambling

    Ugh, [note: this ugh is refering to something I'll get to much later in this post, not feminism. I told you I rambled, did I not?] I've been reading the responses on Jezebel about feminism etc and what I think is that the girl (my book is no where near me and I'm blanking on her name right now, I have an awful memory for names) really is a feminist but since there's sort of this background to the term 'feminist' that makes girls feel as though if they're not at every pro-choice rally they can't consider themselves feminists. Wait, I'm talking about myself and making it general again, sorry. A few years ago during diversity day at my school we had an activity where terms were listed and students were to step into the middle of the gigantic circle if they associated themselves with the term. When 'feminist' came up I remember not stepping in and as I watched so many of my peers (of both sexes) do the same. I now fully believe in feminist ideas (now more than ever (but I'll get back to that)) but it took time for me to realize that the term feminist is not synonymous with the term feminazi (a term I despise because there's no reason why women who are extreme and serious with their views of sexual equality should be compared to *** in any way.) Now back to why I believe in feminist ideas now more than ever: I've been managing my friends' band for the past few months and may start managing two other friends' duo and I love it. Although it's not much work because the band I'm managing now is busy with other stuff so they're not all that serious about it this semester but I hope to work in the music business someday and have worked very hard to gain experience in the field but when men in the industry (which is heavily male dominated) (fine, I'll go out and say it's Nicki from Don Hill's, it's not like anyone would care to know him who read this) tell me that I'm just the "band girlfriend" or even make me pay to get into the band's show I get really fucking angry. Don't ask me why I didn't fight him on these points, I don't know, and maybe this shouldn't really be included in this post since I wasn't going into this wanting to write about myself but I've already started so I'll just ramble a bit more. I think I, and many other women in this book and, obviously, elsewhere, will deal with these situations many times over their professional (as well as personal) lives. But seriously, if I had a big fat *** I guarantee you I wouldn't have gotten any of this *** from an *** who dresses the same as he did thirty years ago. Am I wrong?

    But I digress, (if such a ramble can be considered something so small as a digression) now back to that 'ugh,' the one I started with. Well: as I went back to Jezebel to look at the newest comments I saw one saying that anything written by anyone under thirty "isn't worth reading." This is what I really wanted to say in this post so I hope at least a few people made it this far. I was really ofended by this. The problem with writing about this is that it's pretty obvious why I'm angry so HA, there's the most anticlimactic point I've ever made. It's really sad but I can't think of a way to talk about this since it's obvious that 1. Since I'm connected with this book I don't like to hear people tell me my writing and the essays of so many other great writers in this book aren't worth reading and 2. That it's really rude to file us away because of our age plus it's pretty mean. But then there's the fact that I'm offended by this person picking on kids while saying we shouldn't be discrimintated against. There goes my second point I guess, and here's agism for all of us to deal with on top of everything else. I'll shut up now but I was pissed about that and didn't really understand why it was necessary to say so i decided to ramble a bit. Isn't that what blogs are for?

  • First Post

     Right now I should probably be filling out college applications or writing a college essay but I can't seem to focus so I decided to start my first blog. The truth is I had a short-lived music blog last year which has since been abandoned so it's a lie that this is my first ever blog post but I guess the statement can apply to this site. I ramble, whoever reads this should know that. Today I had an interview with a college alumn who wrote down the name of the book and said she wanted to buy it for her friends. I also saw the new Teen Vogue that mentions my essay along with 3 or 4 others. It's cool, really cool, but none seems real--not in one of those misty mind ways where everything seems like a dream because it's so exciting but rather that my essay feels as though it's not really mine so I can't overflow with joy over what's so unfamiliar. The problem with teenagers and young people in general is that they get sick of themselves so quickly. Or at least I do. Looking at who I was just a year ago feels weird and alien let alone having an essay I wrote two years ago that was for my English class--ie not for publication--published for the world to see. I wish I was more excited instead of slightly embarrassed. As I read the posts from other girls in the book I feel jelous of their feelings toward this book. Don't get me wrong, I'm past unbelievably happy to say I'm a published writer let alone at such a young age but every time someone asks me what my essay is about I feel the need preface it. I've gained weight this. I don't feel the same way that. It's tiring because I know this book is, in a large part, meant for other teen girls to read and relate to and by alienating myself from my writing I'm diminishing the severity of a girl's feelings about a problem that may be similar to mine. For that I'm sorry. I'm not sure why I've bothered to write this since not everyone who reads my essay can hear my preface in their ear but anyone can read this. For that I'm stupid.