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writer girl plus internet equals blog

December 2007 - Posts

  • I told him...

    I told my best friend about RED. Yeah, I know, that shouldn't be a big deal and I should have done it ages ago. I didn't even tell him about it when I went to New York! Before him, one other friend knew about it, who I told in a moment of sleep-deprivation, and the only people who had read it were my mom, aunt, grandparents, my mom's boss (yeah, weird, she gave it to him) and my fourth grade teacher (again, passed on by my mom without permission). My friend, he hasn't read it yet. I forgot to give him the book when he took me home tonight. But, I will. I mean, I knew I couldn't keep a secret from my best friend forever. I just...I didn't want to share. I don't like to share. I don't even care if he knows the stuff about the guy that's in the essay. He knew it at the time, and he knows I don't like that guy anymore. That's not what matters. What matters is, I'm a published author and I didn't want anyone to know that.

    Yeah, that's weird, I guess. But I don't like people knowing things about me, good or bad. Why not bad is obvious. But why not good? I don't know. It's like, last week, my PSAT scores. I'm okay telling you guys here that they were good. Well, better than good. I mean, I'm proud of it. Highest in the school. But...I didn't want the whole school knowing that. I showed my score report to a couple of my friends and my guidance counselor, and, well, it got around. Students, teachers, administrators. They know. I don't want them to know. I don't know why. My mom just said I should be proud of it. But I don't like all the attention! Which, of course, makes blogging hard, when you don't like attention, but I'm trying here :-)

    What else to blog about? I wish I could write good, put-together blog entries, but writing something about me, that, with the click of a button is visible to the world, makes me nervous. So I'll end this one, but next up on blog topics: my TV obsession. Sorry, Saskia :-) But I'm a TV junkie! 

  • Nostalgia

    There's some nostalgia going on here (on this website) today.

     I'm not so much a part of that. I mean, I do have good memories of some things. There are times and places I wish I could go back to sometimes. Moments in time. But, really, I'm more about the future than the past. You can't change the past, and you can't go back there, but you can make the future better. 

    I don't daydream about memories I miss nearly as much as I dream about what I can do in the future.

    I am a junior in high school. I'm literally counting the days until I graduate. I don't think I'll miss high school. When my older friends graduate, well, I miss them, sure, but more than that, I'm really jealous! I'm stuck in high school, and they're not. For ten years, I begged my mother to homeschool me. She said I needed socialisation so I had to go to school.

    Are there classes I like? Yeah, but they're few and far between. Will I miss some of my friends when I graduate? Yeah, but my desire to get out of high school far overpowers that. There are people I'll miss a lot, but I'm okay with that. It's part of life. Moving on from what you're comfortable with, getting out there in the world.

    Today was my first day of winter break. I spent time with some of my friends and some other people from school. Ice skating downtown. I love to ice skate. I didn't get out on the ice so much today because I cut my foot yesterday and it hurt. Then, some of us walked down to the Double Decker, a few blocks (5-10 minute walk) away. It's a coffee shop housed in a double-decker bus. The big red kind, you know what I mean. I had a diet coke and a cheese danish.  But none of that is the point of the story.

    What's the point? There are several. One, I would enjoy my hometown a lot more if I got to go downtown more. It's nice there. But it's too far away from where I live! Two, I like these people. I have a social life. That's kind of amazing for me, the girl who had no friends except the ones my mother made me socialise with and the kids who didn't speak English (so I didn't have to talk to them) in elementary school. And then in sixth grade I had no friends. Since then, my social life has become more of a social life. I don't know how I feel about that. You'd think, it's a good thing. And sometimes it is. But with having that, a group of friends, comes stress and drama. You know how it is. Sometimes I think I'd be better off without all that Does that make me weird?

    Sorry for the rambling. 

  • Poise

    Second blog post today, making up for the lack of blog posts from before I guess.

    Today I was told I have "poise" by a friend of mine. Not a close friend. A girl I used to quite dislike, but now consider her to be between acquaintance and friend, I guess. Not the point.

    But what is poise? She said, "you act like you know how to handle yourself." Hmm. I do? I have poise?

    Definition of poise from dictionary.com: a dignified, self-confident manner or bearing; composure; self-possession. 

    I have that? Who knew? I don't think I have that. I wish I did, it sounds nice. But why did Darrah say I had poise? Poise. Hmm. I've typed it so many times it hardly sounds like a word.

    I'm too shy to have a "self-confident manner," aren't I? Isn't that one of the things I'm supposed to be working on, confidence?

    Or do I have more of it than I thought? Can you be confident and not know it? 

  • Music

     I know, it's been a long time since I wrote a blog post. Sorry.

    I was just thinking about music. My taste in music. It's what some people would call awful, I know. My friends who have music-snob tendencies just shake their heads in disgust. It's also kind of eclectic. Vanessa Carlton, Delasonica, Maren Ord, Belinda, Emmy Rossum, Natasha Bedingfield, Good Charlotte, Evanescence, Juanes, Switchfoot, Three Doors Down, The Veronicas, JD Natasha, Linkin Park, Nickelback. 

    I don't really care what those who turn up their noses at my taste in music have to say, though. When I'm looking for music I love, it just matters if I like it, not if other people do. And, admittedly, I don't have the most discriminating tastes. But is that bad? I don't think so.

    Despite my taste in music, I don't know what I'd do without it. My music, that is. My iPod, before that my CD player. I feel like my life needs a soundtrack, honestly. The moments I remember most are always associated with music, often music that was actually playing, sometimes music that was playing only in my head.  When I was told that smell was the strongest memory trigger, I said no, mine was music. Smell does nothing for me.

    Despite my strong feelings about this, I can't create good music for anything. I took guitar lessons for awhile. I sing in the privacy of my own home. Can't do it. I guess I'll just keep listening. The job I used to want to have was picking movie soundtracks. Still seems like the coolest thing ever, but I have other goals now.

    The soundtrack to the moment I'm writing this blog post: Slow Me Down by Emmy Rossum and Nolita Fairytale by Vanessa Carlton.