writer girl plus internet equals blog

February 2008 - Posts

• Skinny.

  All of my very skinny friends complain about how fat they are. My first reaction is, if weight is that important to you, and you think you're fat, then what do you think of me?

  My second and more profound thought is, why is weight that important to you? I mean, I do understand why. It is all of the pressure that society puts on girls to be, above all else, thin. We see it every day. We see it in magazines and movies and billboards and everywhere we look--even my beloved books. Do you know, in books where the heroine is not expressly described as fat, the cover model is always so skinny she has bones poking out? I love books, I really do, but I'm so sick of it that I'm considering taking my stand so far as to not read books with skinny cover models unless the character is expressly described as thin! The assumption here is that if someone is not thin, they will moan and gripe about it so much and it will so terribly handicap her life that of course it would be mentioned in a book. But why? Why do people assume that weight should be such an integral part of who we are? There is so much more to everybody. 

  There are a million things we should be striving for rather than being thin. We should be striving to be smart, creative, compassionate, loving, diligent, kind--so many things. Beinga  well-balanced, well-rounded individual is so much more important than being thin, but to look at the images we see every day in the media, to see the kind of celebrity-worship we partake in, you'd never guess it. 

  And who, furthermore, gets to decide that being thin is the desireable appearance? Because in American culture, that is so important, but in other cultures--many African or Latin American cultures, for example--that's not the ideal. I also read an article in the New York Times that said recently that higher rates of being so-called "overweight" in women in cultures where there's not the stigma attached to it that there is in Caucasian American (and other Western, and also I think many Asian) cultures, do not result in higher mortality rates. The study said that feeling fat is actually a lot worse for your health than actually being fat! Why? Because self-esteem is crucial, and somewhere along the line, somebody decided starving yourself was beautiful, and it stuck.
  

  It used to bother me, not being skinny like my friends, because I equated skinny with beautiful. I equated skinny with successful. I equated skinny with being a worthwhile human being. It's none of those things. It is what it is: skinny, neither good nor bad. In some cultures, it's an ideal. In others, it's something to get away from. Everywhere, all it should be is simply skinny, with no stigma, positive or negative, attached to the word. Just, skinny.

  Posted Feb 29 2008, 07:29 PM by jocelynp with 4 comment(s)

• I know, I know.

  I know this is long, but bear with me. I have a lot of weeks of not blogging to make up for! 

  I'm well aware that I currently suck as a blogger. I'll try to do better! It's just that there's this one class I'm really worried about (love the subject matter, hate the class) and when I'm stressed and worried, all I can do is be stressed and worried and upset and I lose the motivation to do much else besides worry (even working to improve the grade is beyond my grasp when I get like this, which really sucks). Things that suffer because of this are: my reading (only twenty-three books in February), my writing (almost nothing besides school assignments and book reviews in February), my relationships with other people (returning phone calls and emails becomes too stressful), and, well, everything. I know, I know. I am working on it. I really truly am. Just by posting this blog, I'm working on it. At least I'm aware of my problems, and isn't that the first step to solving them?

  I am home on a Friday night. Fun, fun. Pathetic, really. Why? Because I couldn't be bothered to make plans. I called one of my friends a few minutes ago but she has the SATs tomorrow, so she won't be doing anything tonight. I really do have friends, lots of them, and a social life--but recently you wouldn't know it.

   To make this a little bit of a happier post, I have some news! First of all, by last count I am now first in my class! I was fourth last time rankings came out, so this is a really exciting improvement. Second of all, I pulled an A in Algebra II Honors! That class really challenged me, not in the least because my teacher was awful. I just barely got an A, but letter grades are all that go on our transcripts, anyway, so it works.

  In the middle-of-the-road news, I got my SAT scores back. I am not too disappointed in most of it, but I will be taking the test again. In math, I got a 690 (math is always my worst subject). In critical reading, I got a 730 (but missed no vocab questions! Only reading comprehension questions, which are dumb and subjective anyway). In writing, I got a 740--my best score, you'd think, but the one I'm disappointed with. Apparently, I only missed one of the multiple choice writing questions, so that is where the scores are high--but I only got a 6/12 on the essay. I know! And I call myself a writer! That is rather abysmal. I will definitely be working on that. I'm a little embarassed to admit that score on a blog where everyone knows that I'm a published author but I can't get a high score on the SAT essay section. Of course, I know the essay was bad. The essays I write in Spanish class are better, and Spanish is not my native language (it is my favorite language, but that is irrelevant). 

  When my scores and grades are low, I totally panic. I worry so much about getting into the right college so that I will be on my way to my career path. Right now, my top pick schools are Fordham and NYU. Yes, I want to live in New York City--not in the least because the United Nations is there, and I want to study international relations and then work for the UN. I feel like I can help people that way, like it is the best use of my talents where I can do some good in the world, and that's my goal for life. The world sucks, and if I can do even one small thing to make it better, then that's what I need to be doing, no matter what my more self-indulgent side would have me do. 
  

  Posted Feb 29 2008, 07:15 PM by jocelynp with 2 comment(s)