I know this is long, but bear with me. I have a lot of weeks of not blogging to make up for!
I'm well aware that I currently suck as a blogger. I'll try to do better! It's just that there's this one class I'm really worried about (love the subject matter, hate the class) and when I'm stressed and worried, all I can do is be stressed and worried and upset and I lose the motivation to do much else besides worry (even working to improve the grade is beyond my grasp when I get like this, which really sucks). Things that suffer because of this are: my reading (only twenty-three books in February), my writing (almost nothing besides school assignments and book reviews in February), my relationships with other people (returning phone calls and emails becomes too stressful), and, well, everything. I know, I know. I am working on it. I really truly am. Just by posting this blog, I'm working on it. At least I'm aware of my problems, and isn't that the first step to solving them?
I am home on a Friday night. Fun, fun. Pathetic, really. Why? Because I couldn't be bothered to make plans. I called one of my friends a few minutes ago but she has the SATs tomorrow, so she won't be doing anything tonight. I really do have friends, lots of them, and a social life--but recently you wouldn't know it.
To make this a little bit of a happier post, I have some news! First of all, by last count I am now first in my class! I was fourth last time rankings came out, so this is a really exciting improvement. Second of all, I pulled an A in Algebra II Honors! That class really challenged me, not in the least because my teacher was awful. I just barely got an A, but letter grades are all that go on our transcripts, anyway, so it works.
In the middle-of-the-road news, I got my SAT scores back. I am not too disappointed in most of it, but I will be taking the test again. In math, I got a 690 (math is always my worst subject). In critical reading, I got a 730 (but missed no vocab questions! Only reading comprehension questions, which are dumb and subjective anyway). In writing, I got a 740--my best score, you'd think, but the one I'm disappointed with. Apparently, I only missed one of the multiple choice writing questions, so that is where the scores are high--but I only got a 6/12 on the essay. I know! And I call myself a writer! That is rather abysmal. I will definitely be working on that. I'm a little embarassed to admit that score on a blog where everyone knows that I'm a published author but I can't get a high score on the SAT essay section. Of course, I know the essay was bad. The essays I write in Spanish class are better, and Spanish is not my native language (it is my favorite language, but that is irrelevant).
When my scores and grades are low, I totally panic. I worry so much about getting into the right college so that I will be on my way to my career path. Right now, my top pick schools are Fordham and NYU. Yes, I want to live in New York City--not in the least because the United Nations is there, and I want to study international relations and then work for the UN. I feel like I can help people that way, like it is the best use of my talents where I can do some good in the world, and that's my goal for life. The world sucks, and if I can do even one small thing to make it better, then that's what I need to be doing, no matter what my more self-indulgent side would have me do.