November 2007 - Posts

  • first guy might become new guy

    I've learned that throughout the experiences in high school that we run away from, tend to be the experiences that follow us throughout our lives. The guy we try to escape from, who has been an idolized figure in our heads for years, suddenly disappears into the wind as a new guy finally comes along. Just as the idea of the new guy settles into our brain, those two guys connect. Those two guys become friends all of a sudden out of blue. Why now? What does one of them know that the other doesn't or even what i don't know? i feel so trapped in the idea that these two guys are up to something.

    You know, the first guy, i alway thought that him and i were gonna end up dating or eventually get married later on in life. But as i learned that this new guy likes me, i realised he wasn't what i made him up to be. But now he seems to be trying to make things better and honestly, i don't think i can handle that. I don't think i can handle having that guy become involved in my life again because he just brought out the bad side of me. He brought out my anger as i realised i never had a real chance with him. I just wonder now, if the new guy is just like the first guy....

  • Too good to be true?

    its truly amazing how at a good moment in time everything seems to go well until once misinterpreation sets u back a step. everything you thought was possble becomes invisible and you begin to wonder if it was ever yours to begin with. does that boy really like me or am i making it up even when all the signs are visible by people all around you?i guess im just one of those people who soley waits for something magical to happen like someone to sweep me off my feet and make me realise that i'm fine the way i am. I'm also one of those people who thinks so highly of themelves like how i want my future to turn out like as well as how i plan to live in the moment. but what realy gets to me is that often people, boys imparticular, arent completely upfront with their feelings well obviously but they arent consistant. they try and try to see if ur attracted to them or even know they exist and once they do they try to make it more noticeable but once they get the oppurtunity to make something happen, then close up and run away. why does that constantly happen to me?  what have i done to make the boys run away? why cant  be appreciated for the way i am and not for my body? why cant i finally get a boyfriend when other girls at school have had so many? maybe i'm just one of those people with too high of expectations to realise anything or maybe i'm just waiting for something too good to be true to occur... if it ever will.


  • Boys...

    Of course i wrote my essay about boys. (Boy One!) But since i wrote that piece, i feel like a lot has changed. 

    This school year, a boy i didnt even know until homecoming proved to me that he indeed had a crush on me. At the dance, he would come up to me and walk away about ten times. Around school, i'd catch him gazing off in my direction. i was and still am surprized that he would actually be interested in me. He's a defender for the undefeated football team at my school so i took the oppurtunity to see if he truly did like me by interviewing him and three other players for the newscast i am starting. He was so nervous the whole time but actually talked to me. So for me, i felt like i finally found a good guy. I didnt even think it was possible though. It's kinda funny how he has all his friends going out of their way to talk to me and they give me these looks like they know something i'm not supposed to find out unless he was ready to tell me himself. For the newscast, i've had to be on the field to make sure i ask appropriate questions and get my facts straight. Once he noticed i was there, he'd try harder, come get water even when he wasnt thirsty, and stay near me but not once talked to me.... i make him nervous i guess. It's definately hard to explain what i truly see everyday with him at school but like i said before, he seems to be a really nice guy who wants more from me in a relationship than what most guys want not saying he doesnt but if that was the only thing he wanted, we'd be talking already.

     so we'll have to wait and see what happens because you never know!