Okay, so I changed my avatar so it's actually a picture of myself. So you know who I am if you met me in NY. (Hi Erika and Jaclyn and Hayley and Jasmine and Lisa and Dani and Eliza and Annie and Maya and Olive and Emily and DeppGirl whose actual name I've forgotten and Zoe and all the girls whose names I am kicking myself for not remembering.)
Crud. I actually did have something to say but typing all those names made me forget. Um. Hi.
I'm sorry if I'm not making any sense. I got back here to where I live and immediantly my sore throat came back. Nice.
What to write about, what to write about...
I have these things I've been writing, little snippets (sp?), beginnings of stories, and I feel like writing them in this blog. But then I think maybe not. And then I think maybe yes. I'm in a quandry with it.
The five of us hadn't spoken in years. The last time we'd all been together was when I was in eighth grade. Still obsessed with Hello Kitty and had a subscription to Girls' Life.
Not like I hadn't thought about them since then, hadn't wanted to write or visit. But what could I say? What words were there? Time is supposed to be the great healer, erase memories and let you quit caring. But it doesn't. Or it didn't at least, not for us.
I still had the rag dolls Gwen had made me sitting up there on my bookshelf, in plain sight. I still thought of them whenever I heard YMCA, and I couldn't look at a dandelion without missing them. But although time didn't make things easier to forget, it did make them harder to overcome. Hess went to juvy and a month passed during which Rainey's parents split and made her choose between her mom in LA and her dad in New York. Mike's grandpa got sick and my family moved while him and Gwen went to a funeral and mourned.
Too much had happened. That one month turned into two, and then three, and we were all busy. Adjusting to new lives and finding new friends. We didn't have the time or the words to make everything that happened all better. We were growing up, moving on, entering new phases of our lives. And it's no excuse, any of it. The reasons aren't good enough to warrant four years going by without anything between us. I know that now and I knew it then. It sounds cliche, but not one single solitary day went by where I didn't think of them, didn't miss them and comtemplate, even for the briefest of moments, calling one of them.
Hess, maybe, to find out if his weeks in juvy made him worse or better. Did he regret the one mistake he'd made to get there, or was he making more of the same kind of mistakes?
And what about Mike? What about Gwen? Did they know I was sorry for their grandpa even though I'd never said it? Did Mike know I missed him... did he miss me too?
Sorry for ending in such an inconveinent place, but that's all I have. I typed it up on the 'notebook' function of my phone between classes and it's the beginning of a story (novel) I've been thinking of for a while now. Maybe I'll add more later.
But to be honest, most likely I'll end up posting tons of beginnings of things, and never middles or endings.
Ha. Sorry about that.