Your Smile On Fire

...from the song Xavia

March 2008 - Posts

  • On Movies I Have Seen...

    These are the movies I have gone to see in theaters since the move.

    • Flightplan. After that sleepover at Brea's, my dad and Taylor and I went to see this movie. I hadn't got to sleep until 6am the night before, so I was half expecting to fall asleep during the movie. But I didn't. And, shocker, I had a better time going to the movie, sleep-deprived, with my dad and Tay, then I had at the sleepover. Fun.
    • Walk the Line. With Dad and Taylor. Good movie. Awesome movie. Fun.
    • Stranger Than Fiction. A whole group of us went to see this movie. Meggo was the one who invited me and although the big group of people we saw the movie with and hung out with afterwards was no fun, I actually had a really good time with Meggo and Ana beforehand. Not fun.
    • Juno and I Am Legend. I went to see both these movies with Brad and Madi while they were out here. Both movies were good and of course it was fun because it was the four of us. Fun fun fun!

    Have there been more?

    I don't know. Maybe. I remember I wanted to see Ratatouille but that never happened, and also that me and Meggo were going to see Becoming Jane, but that never happened either. Really I used to see a lot more movies when I lived in Arizona. Only now there's no one around who is willing to go see Horton Hears A Who with me, because even my little sister claims it is for kids.



    There've been other movies. Ones I've gone to people houses and watched.

    • Sleepover. At Meagan H's, with a bunch of girls. Afterwards Meggo said she'd had a good time but the movie was lame. I didn't tell her that me and Taylor had been the ones to choose the movie. Eh.
    • The Prestige. Also at Meagan H's, with a bunch of people, most of whom I didn't know. It was fun though. We got a bunch of pizza and I was the only girl who ate that instead of salad. I wasn't sure whether to be happy about being all nonconformist, or upset because salad is really so much healthier than pizza. Mostly fun.
    • The Fountain. Um, oh, never mind. I don't want to talk about this one except to say that we had watermelon and it was yummy and also very messy. Fun, except not in hindsight.
    • That one movie with that one guy in it. I forget what it's called but it was really funny and Taylor had seen it before but I hadn't. I was with nice people that time, ones I actually knew and who were my friends. Fun.
    • Miss Potter. I went over to Meggo's and watched this, just me and her and her mom and possibly her sister although I don't remember. It was really good and much better than I expected, but I don't remember much about the night except that I had dinner over there and I cut the onions because they make Meggo cry and they don't make me cry. Usually. Fun.


    Wow I have no idea why I just did a whole post dedicated to movies I've seen with people, but there you have it.

  • unnamed because i am lazy today

    What is it about movies with Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan in them that makes me feel as if everything is right in the world, even if I'm practically on my deathbed? I'm watching Sleepless in Seattle for the first time ever and it is absolutely wonderful, just like You've Got Mail is.

    They both seem to be oddly comforting movies.

  • still alive

    Okay, friendlies, I'm still alive.

  • one thing and another thing

    I am amazed with myself, friendlies. Really I am. Like, shocked.

     And why? Because I've started visiting my friend's blog. Which that in itself is not amazing because I love reading blogs and far too few of my friends keep them. What's amazing is that THIS IS A FASHION BLOG. And although it kind of repels me, I keep going back for some reason.

    I never cease to amaze myself.


    In other news, I AM IN REGULAR CLOTHES AGAIN!! I was basically in pajamas for a week and basically not even among the living, but I think I'm getting better. I mean my fever is gone and I haven't puked in two days and my throat no longer is threatening to murder me everytime I swallow. So that's all good.

    Except the fact that I had to reschedule my job interview today because I was sick. And now by the time I can get another one she might have hired someone already. Omg being sick is awwwfulll.

  • kid plan

    I still feel like I've been ran over by a train, but at least I'm happy now.

    And I can't say why, but boy am I happy!!


    In a related story, lalalalala is all I can think right now and it's nearly midnight so not only can I not tell my East Coast friends now (Mich, Becca), but I also can't tell anyone on the West Coast.



     Um, ok. I'd rather not think about English class. Or my sore throat. Or my killing headache. Or the fact that I probably won't be getting to sleep anytime soon. And I still don't have a job.

    What I need right now is a meme or survey thing so I don't have to actually think about what to write.


    Ok here's something. I feel like everyone around me is growing up so fast. Like this one girl I know, 19 and getting married next month. I don't see anything wrong with it but it's part of this recent epidemic I'm seeing of my peers moving out (or wanting to move out), going to college, having boyfs and girlfs. One of my friends just emailed me about her college sightsee trip. I talked to another one today whose planning on combining 11th and 12th grades so she can graduate on time.

    Even me, I shouldn't even be in college yet and I am. I mean granted I'm living at home and going to a community college, but still.

    And my old best friend from Arizona just got her license. Which just brings us to a whole other level of weirdness because omg Mom, CHELSEY GOT HER LICENSE. The height of weirdness. I literally can't believe it.


    I talk to Sarah sometimes. 20, going to college, not quite sure what she's going to do but at least she's working and blahblahblah so much better than a lot of people I could think of. And she's telling how she'll be 21 soon and how her old friend is getting married and how everyone is asking her when she'll be getting married. And we're both like OMG KNOCK IT OFF PLEASE JUST LET US GO SEE HORTON HEARS A WHO AND THE GROWN UP LIFE WITH THE BOYF-WHO-BECOMES-THE-HUBBY AND THE HOUSE AND THE INSURANCE CAN WAIT. PLEASE?

    Because that's how I feel sometimes, like everyone is so ready to move on to the next thing that they don't really get a chance to see what they have now. And I mean, I'm excited for my future. Like really excited. For the first time I'm more excited than I've ever been about things since the move. But still, I'm not really ready to be there yet, you know? I still want to have a while longer watching American Idol with my parents and having Taylor sit in front of my bookcase while I shove books at her and say, "This one's good and this one's good and ooh, this one's really good." I'm still a kid, really. I just happen to be a kid with a plan is all.

  • i is still a scaredy, only not so much

    So I'm trying to stop being so scared. I've been working on this for a dozen years, give or take.


    See, when I was little I was afraid of everything. EVERYTHING. Like I'm not even kidding, I'm pretty sure I outdid Chuckie from Rugrats. My parents were probably worried I would turn into a crazy cat lady who never leaves her home or something like that.


    An example?

    Ok my grandparents have this fantastical tire swing out by their house. It hangs on some metal type of wire and has been there forever. Or as long as forever is to me. When I was little (3, 4, 5? 6?) I used to sit INSIDE IT instead of on TOP of it because I was afraid of falling off and plunging to my death. So ok I was a little scaredy cat. But this one time I'm thinking of, Nice Boy Jordan was over. (For clarification: there were two Boy Jordans. The nice one helped me set up my little kid Beauty and the Beast tent in my grandma's living room then sat inside and watched Disney movies with me in it. The mean Boy Jordan broke my sister's tricycle and threw the cap to my Smackers lip stuff out the school bus window.) Now we were like really little kids. I can't guess an age because we could have been seven just as easily as we could have been three. But somewhere in there.

    I'm pretty sure I was taller than him.

    And we were by the tire swing with my aunt Lu, who was babysitting us. And we both wanted to swing on the tire swing at the same time, so one of us had to sit on the top. And it made sense for it to be me. I can't say why but maybe because I was older (I was older, right?) and taller. Or something like that.

    AND I WOULD NOT DO IT. I probably cried, I seriously don't doubt it. The thought of sitting on the top made me quake with fear inside.


    Which is kinda why my whole family is probably pleasantly surprised that I am not living in a plastic bubble.


    But anyways, this is all to say that I've always been all terrified of everything. But from the time I've been about sixth grade I've decided maybe I shouldn't be so terrified all the time. I've consciously tried to change that overpowering part of myself. And I still fear a great many things. Like (just a sampling):

    • rollercoasters and generally most amusement park rides
    • bees/wasps
    • tornados
    • hurricanes
    • earthquakes
    • the elevator breaking and plunging down while I'm riding in it
    • getting trapped in the elevator
    • ladders
    • black widows and other poisenous buggers
    • drowning, kind of (I am not a good swimmer at all)
    • having an aneurism (sp)
    • getting dvt
    • lightning when it is close
    • taking the wrong medicine on accident
    • rattlers
    • scary movies

    And these are just the stupid fears, not the serious ones like what if my parents die or what if I wake up blind one morning!?

    Obviously I have problems.


    But I'm working on it, friendlies, really I am!

    Proof? Things I am NO LONGER terrified of:

    • potentially living on my own one day even though no way this will happen because if I am not married I will definitely need a roomie because the Jordyn will probably not be all rich and the places she wants to live are not exactly cheap
    • freeway driving (for the most part) (although it does still make me nervous)
    • being away from my parents, except it still makes me sad and kind of unsure of myself
    • someone coming and killing me in my sleep
    • being stung by a jellyfish, for the most part
    • being attacked by a bear or a mountain lion or a hyena, etc
    • waking up during surgery, oddly, has never really been a fear of mine

    So yeah. Welcome to the paranoid mind of the Jordyn.

  • gr


  • funny hospital stories? yes.

    Hello friendlies! I want to tell you all a marvelous story but my head is kinda cloggy right now and I'm having some troubles thinking of one to tell.


    Ha you know what I was thinking of yesterday? (No of course you don't. Why do I even ask?)

         I was thinking of when I was in the hospital and all drugged up because I was going into surgery but they hadn't brought me in yet so I was still in that little-bitty room that they have you get ready in. And they'd given (gave?) me this  n a s t y  pink medicine to make me all drowsy and I was basically out of it but Sesame Street (at least I think it was Sesame Street - seriously do not trust me 100% with this because I wasn't in the most aware state of mind) was on the television and Taylor kept turning it up and and asking me if I wanted it louder and could I hear it and was I watching it. I just kept thinking in my mind, oh you are being really sweet but LET ME SLEEP!!

         And then later after the surgery I wound up watching Ed, Edd, and Eddy. Which practically scarred me for life. NEVER WATCH THIS SHOW! IT WILL HAUNT YOU! AND I WAS ON MEDICATION!!


    Oh I have way more hospital stories than any 18-yr old should have. And yet for some reason the majority of them strike me as funny. Is that weird?


    Haha something else that happened. For some reason after I got out of surgery (um and for the record all the surgeries I had when I was 11/12 kind of blend together in my mind so no idea which one I'm talking about here) one of the doctors decided I should be on a diet. I was like, yeah I weigh, like, 85 pounds so of course I should be on a diet. But anyways. As soon as they put me on the diet all I wanted was nachos and a Milky Way bar. I'm not kidding. The Milky Way commercials were playing like a crazy amount on tv. ADVERTISING WORKS!


    Um also you know how at McDonalds they have those little slots to put in some change or whatever for the Ronald McDonald House? DO IT DO IT DO IT!! Those places are awesome for families, you have no idea.

  • this is my scary story

    Hey friendlies? I am tired. And I am sick. And I am, as my grandma would say, sick and tired of being sick and tired. So don't expect any greatness in this post.


    But I do have a scary/funny story to tell. Ok maybe not that funny. Or scary. But trust me it was way scary when it was happening.

         First I need to talk a little about my house. I am downstairs, in the bedroom connected to the kitchen. Everyone else is upstairs, above me. I like this arrangement just fine because it means that (a) I have my own bathroom, (b) I am close to the kitchen, and (c) I just do. I'm usually the last person to go to bed and before I do I always lock the doors. Because the door from the garage is right next to my room, and then there's the front door also and the back door that opens into the kitchen.

         I do not want to be murdered in my sleep, k guys?


    So anyways, I was sick yesterday too but don't worry about me because I'm not like deathly ill or anything, it's just an annoying virus that refuses to leave. But whatever. Point is that yesterday while my parents and sister went out and had fun I stayed home and ate soup (which was disgusting) and drank iced tea (which is, I swear, the miracle drink of miracle drinks) and slept way much. I turned on the television to watch the Glenn Beck show and I fell asleep during it.

         So my point is that I slept like a googol hours yesterday which led to, like, no sleep at all last night. (Ooh wow I am so mixed up. Using the word googol and then like in a superflous manner. I am all kinds of crazy!) So I was up up up and I laid there in the dark forever before I finally decided to start reading my ARC of How to be Bad, which was so-so at first but just got better and better. (I shall be reviewing it on my book blog soon.) Anyway, on with the story. It eventually got to be past 2 in the morning when I finally finally finally started to drift off.


    Then I woke up. Suddenly, frighteningly. I jumped up into the sitting position and listened.

         Because the screen door was being opened. Or closed. SOMEONE WAS IN OUR HOUSE! In the kitchen! Right by my bedroom! And I do not exactly have a black belt or anything. It was very late and I was very tired and probably not in the best frame of mind to be encountering a prowler. I looked for my phone. It was somewhere. Hadn't I been writing myself a note on it just a few hours earlier?

         Yes. There it was. On my green footstool thing that I sloppily keep my shoes in. I grabbed the phone and hit speed dial 2. And I heard my dad's phone ringing but couldn't tell where it was coming from. It sounded like it was coming from the kitchen, which freaked me out for some reason and made me hang up real quick.


    And... ready for the oh-so-anticlimatic endings?

         It was my dad. Who was outside. And his phone was upstairs (fyi when it rang it freaked my mom out because it rang as soon as my dad went outside) and he was investigating some noise the sprinklers were making.


    So yeah. That's my exciting story.

  • this is awesome and dorkish


    (and whoever else might be interested)


    I just found the most amazingly dorky thing ever!! The BSC wikipedia! No, not kidding!

    Haha. Yay. :)


    Oh and also? I always knew those girls went through 8th grade a little too often, but until I found this site I never realized they repeated the eighth grade TEN TIMES. Omg. I mean, I loved eighth grade and all (not kidding) but TEN TIMES? By the time the series ended they should have been TWENTY-THREE.


    Haha you can probably expect a lengthier BSC post later on. Because I'm cool like that.

  • this is bullet-pointed and FUN!

    Blogger's block blogger's block blogger's block!


    Stream-of-consciousness writing, anyone? Ha, this is the type of writing I usually resist because, hello, I can't stand not using correct punctuation and stuff and going back and deleting the words I don't like. I enjoy being able to edit myself although really I am a terrible editor if I wait until I'm finished to do it.

         But here goes nothing...

     ok guys, I can't do this. I have to actually be able to write stuff, not just WHATEVER-IS-ON-MY-MIND.


    Oh mann, here's the song White Flag by Dido. Ah I love this song sooo much.


    In other news:

    • The B52's new cd, Funplex, is coming out the 25th. And I have a babysitting job on Wednesday so I'll actually be able to buy it. Yay! Although really I should probaby get my parents something for their (very belated) wedding anniversary, right? I mean even though they keep saying OH NO DON'T FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE TO GET US ANYTHING... I still should. Right? Right?
    • But I'm probably going to get myself the cd. I can't decide on what to get them anyways. Any ideas? AND PLEASE DON'T LEAVE IDEAS IN THE COMMENTS BECAUSE MY MOMMY READS THIS BLOG AND THAT DEFEATS THE PURPOSE. If you have a stellar idea, just email it to me plz kthx. jordynt[at]redthebook[dot]com
    • Also I am looking for book recommendations. Feel free to leave these in the comments. No fantasy please and no scifi because I am woo, very picky about my scifi. But anything else YA plus exceptional books for grown people and good nonfiction. I am open to ideas, really I am.
    • I CURRENTLY HAVE NO DOOR! I don't want to blame this on my sister, but, well, it did come off its hinges when she touched it. She doesn't know her own power. (And yes, all jokes aside, she really is freakishly strong.) But really I miss having a door. My dad suggested putting beads up, "like a hippie," and while I am fully open to the hippie idea I actually don't like the fact that there's nothing stopping people from WALKING RIGHT THOUGH those beads. So yeah, hopefully my dad will fix the door.
    • I feel like making playlists for myself.

    Ok well. Ttfn, as Tigger would say.

  • pointless!

    Hello friendlies!


    I'm in the exceedingly rare position of having nothing I want to write about. At least, nothing I want others to read. I'm tempted to just plop some quotes down and call it a day.

         But I won't.

         Because I am oh-so-committed to being a blogging fanatic. And plus my fingers like to go typey typey typey. It's like how some people have those little squishy stress balls... I have typing.


    In a related story, you know what book I saw at Barnes and Noble yesterday!? (This will register with no one but who cares?)

         THE SEQUAL TO SILVERWING!! And I almost bought it. Almost. But then I didn't.


    Wow this was pointless.



    Posted Mar 15 2008, 05:28 PM by jordynt with no comments
    Filed under: ,
  • the apology phenom

    So tonight my mom spent her time reading my blog. How lovely. Hi mom!


    In other news, it occured to me a few days ago that a particular odd phenomenon (sp) has an odd habit of happening to me. I call it THE APOLOGY PHENOM and it goes like this: someone will do something that makes me feel angry/sad/betrayed/unsure/some other negative emotion. It'll be someone I consider at least relatively close to me and it'll be something that I don't just forget about. Something that really bothers me, really messes me up. Often there will be a fight about it. A large one.

         And then, like MONTHS later, out of the blue, they apologize. We'll be having lunch or driving in the car or talking on msn and all the sudden they'll be all, "Hey remember when I..." and apologize. In like the nicest, most sincere way possible. This has happened at least three times that I can remember off the top of my head. And two of them happened in the last three months.

         I don't know, I just find it weird. Has this happened to anyone else or just me?

  • on the move

    I often seperate my life, if I haven't told you before, into the BEFORE and AFTER. Before the move. After the move. The move is the defining event though. So it makes sense that many of the quotes I have would relate to that.


    And here they are. The moving quotes:


    I vaguely hoped that someone would come up and talk to me. I imagined the conversation:

         "Hey. Is this your first year?"

         "Yeah. Yeah. I'm from Florida."

         "That's cool. So you're used to the heat."

         "I wouldn't be used to this heat if I were from Hades," I'd joke. I'd make a good first impression. Oh, he's funny. That guy Miles is a riot.

          That didn't happen of course. Things never happened like I imagined them.



    Jamie giggled, "Yeah, I guess homesickness is like sucking your thumb. It's what happens when you're not very sure of yourself."



    They looked shallow, self-absorbed. And a small, strangled part of me envied them.



    It acted as a kind of pacifier in moments like these. A reminder that wherever I went, I was still me.



    It didn't feel like my world. It felt more like a dream. Something temporary.



    Carmen didn't like change and she certainly didn't like endings.



    The memories have become fuzzy around the edged, as all of them do, glorified in a process that began the moment we stepped onto the plane, away from the messy success of finding ourselves.

    from RED


    I've wrote a lot about the move. In emails to friends, in my journal, in word documents printed up and folded and hidden. I always think - like with a few other things in my life - that I'm done writing about it. That this is it. I'm really done this time. But there are some things, things like the move for me, parents' divorce for others, the breakup of a relationship for some, that are so huge and so defining and so momentous that as much as you go over it... it never really seems over.

         When I moved I would have thought it would be the first year that would be difficult. Getting settled. New school, new group of people, new neighborhood. But it didn't happen like that. Three years (or close enough) later and I still feel "in transition" in some ways. Except now the slate isn't quite so blank. I've gone through friends, forging new friendships that deflated like a balloon when you let it go before tying it. It's gotten to the point where I look around and I don't see anyone that I haven't tried (and failed) at being friends with. Some of the friendships never got off the ground, some briefly (very briefly) soared, some sort of faltered all along. And now I have all these histories with people. Guys I used to like, girls I remember hanging out with once or twice, social events where I didn't exactly make the best impression. And on and on.


    Don't mistake this for a pity post, because it's not. It's just me, musing about the move. (Which, for some odd reason, I keep spelling MOVIE. Weirdness.) But I have thought maybe there's something wrong with me? Like something in me incapable of keeping friendships alive, incapable of actually making friends?

         But that can't be it, can it? Because I'm capable of making friends. Really I am. Why not here though? Is it because I am inherently un-socal? Is it because I have nothing to contribute to conversations of hair dye and makeup? It's not because the first time I heard someone say they wanted to work at the Mac counter I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THEY MEANT... is it? I mean, seriously. Those are pretty weak and pathetic reasons. And I KNOW not everyone here is the same. So why does it seem like it? Why does it seem like there's one mold for everyone else in my geographic location and then another mold for me? And worst of all, what if it's not about where I live? What if I'm just a cynical, uggy, WEIRD girl who will never fit in anywhere ever again?


    Ash's townie idea is looking pretty good right about now. (haha)

  • still haven't sent those query letters...

    Hello! Spring break is here!

    Woot woot!


    In other news, I'm at the marvelous word count of 10,570 for my novel in progress. And yes, I still need to send out the query letters for my last novel. The sad thing about this is that I HAVE THEM ready to go. THEY ARE SITTING ON MY COMPUTER, ready to be emailed or shipped off to wherever they go. And I've had them ready since the beginning of the year. So, uh, why haven't I sent them?

    Possible explanations:

    • Most obvious possibility is the fear of rejection. Which is pretty stupid because I'm just assuming rejection anyways.
    • Less obvious is the fear of success, which is rediculous. Because though I have been afraid of MANY MANY MANY things, success has never been one of them.
    • Procrastination. Hm, I never much thought of myself as a procrastinator, but it's possible.
    • THEY AREN'T GOOD ENOUGH. Yep, it's this one.

    I always think my writing is the suck. I mean, I like it ok but I never really think it's any good. After I sent Amy my essay I wrote back to her saying how awful I just realized it was, and I sent her another one. Which, by the way, I also thought was pretty awful after I reread it.


    But yeah. I should definitely send those letters out.

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Oct. 15 [going to work soon] [two school essays due; majorly nervous about both] [remember when i wrote that short story where the girl said "majorly" every other WORD practically? ha]