Your Smile On Fire

...from the song Xavia

in which i go from topic to topic like mad (from us four to boundaries to wanting to get out)

     Zzzzzzzzzzzzz. Oh, sorry. I'm awake, really I am. I've just got to quit staying up until midnight writing.


     In other news, I love this quote, and maybe I've wrote it in my blog before, but I've been thinking about it lot lately so it bears repeating.

     The word friends doesn't seem to stretch big enough to describe how we feel about each other. We forget where one of us starts and the other one stops.


     I was looking a while back for a quote that could describe the relationship between us four. (Us four: me, my sister, and our two cousins [Lance Tankman and Reese's Pieces]) And I couldn't find one. But then I started reading the second 'traveling pants' book again and that quote leaped out at me. Because it describes us kind of perfectly - even when the four of us don't see each other for months it's still just like it always was when we get together. Like no time at all has passed. We immediately sink back into those old roles - I'm the "little mother", Reese's is "the baby", Lance Tankman is "the boy", and TayTay is... well, she's TayTay.

     And I miss them so much sometimes that it aches. I've been thinking of them an especial lot lately because of things that are going on, and I've been thinking that our lives are so different. So different that I don't even know how to relate to some of the things they go through, and I know they haven't been able to relate to some things I've gone through. There are some things that can't be explained, things that mere words don't do justice too. Feelings that you will never know until you experience them. Certain things that happen in life, they are beyond explanation. Too sad or too horrible. Too extreme. I think most people get that - there are certain boundaries in life, lines you don't cross.

     And you don't think about them. I mean, do you really have to remind yourself not to stick your hand IN THE FIRE? For most of us, the answer is no. Our hand in the fire will get burnt. It will hurt. We will be in pain. We don't like pain. So we don't do it. But then there are those times the normal boundaries, for whatever reason, get passed. Lines get stepped over. And that's when words fall short. Because some things just AREN'T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN.

     Okay, sorry. I started talking about one thing (us four) and wound up talking about people sticking their hands in fire. My mind works in strange ways. But how did I get on that topic? Oh yeah... experiences you can't really understand until you go through them.


     Actually I was thinking about something else when I wrote that. I was thinking of this girl I knew back home. We'll call her Rainbow Fish. Anyways, I've known RF since kindergarten when we had the same wonderful teacher. We were never best friends, but we've known each other since we were five and, up until the time I moved away, had always hung out with more or less the same group of people. So we knew each other pretty well. And as far back as I can remember she was always saying she wanted to move away. Specifically she wanted to live in California. She was always looking forward to the time when she could go to college and get out of our little town. I was just the opposite. I loved our town and couldn't for the life of me figure out why someone would want to leave so badly, or what that would even feel like.

     And then I moved here. To this place everyone loves. To this place where the sun's always shining and the beach is thirty minutes away. And I know I'm a total anomaly, but I finally understand that feeling, that itch to get out. It's a weird feeling. Kind of antsy, a little restless, and also sorta sad. But I understand it.    



sarahmo said:

A guy named Coltor huh? that is a crazy name

December 1, 2007 1:15 PM

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May 21, 2013 6:25 AM

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May 22, 2013 11:49 AM


Oct. 15 [going to work soon] [two school essays due; majorly nervous about both] [remember when i wrote that short story where the girl said "majorly" every other WORD practically? ha]