Your Smile On Fire

...from the song Xavia

on confrontation and awkwardness

      Oy wow.

      You guys are making me want to do a post on religion. In defense of the Bible. But that's gonna take way more brain power than I have left in me right now, so look for that at a later date.


     Right now I want to do a post on awkwardness. Weirdness. Miscommunications. And I hope my mom will forgive me for saying this because I promised I'd never blog about her, but you know how I wrote that essay about her? Well guess what. SHE HAD NO IDEA. No idea how she made me feel or what I thought about it or anything really.

     This is not because of her. This is because I, like a lot of people, keep my emotions inside. Keep them pressed close to me where I can have some control over them. I'm forever trying to fit my feelings inside a box, a BOX OF LOGIC. And it never works. (Well not never, but hardly ever.) But in spite of that I keep doing it.



     Because talking about feelings is HARD. At least for me it is. And there's a reason for this, I think. And that reason is this: emotions are in no way explained by logic. Really. They aren't. It is extremely illogical to love someone, to be hurt by someone, to put up with another person's flaws. And yet we all do it. We love people, we get hurt by them, and giant misunderstandings and/or awkwardness occur during which the following things happen (depending greatly on who is on the other side of this FEELINGS FENCE and what the emotions are about):

1. Avoidance, of either the person or the subject or both.

2. A feeling of weirdness because you're pretty sure they notice the avoidance and you're not quite sure what to do about that.

3. A great big gaping Grand-Canyon-sized hole where communication and understanding used to be.

4. Sometimes tears. (No, strike that. OFTEN tears.)

5a. Explosions in the form of confrontation or else;

5b. Avoidance and widening of the Grand-Canyon-sized hole forever and ever until you both die.


     I can't speak for everyone, but I don't always think option A is best. Nor do I always think option B is best.

     Listen, if this person is someone you care about, someone you miss having in your life, someone who matters to you, someone you don't (or can't) imagine your life without... then bite the bullet. Confront them, in whatever form is best. Face-to-face, telephone, email. Really. It all works. Just getting things out in the open is incredible. I mean, yeah, it takes some guts and the willingness to face a great big dose of AWKWARD, but if the person actually matters to you the end result is worth it.

      If, on the other hand, this isn't a very important person to you. If you don't really miss having them in your life and have no qualms about going on without them, then maybe... well maybe it's for the best. Maybe there are some relationships and friendships not worth salvaging and that's okay. Life goes on. You find other people and they find other people and that is that.


     Whatever you do, just be sure it's worth it. I've taken both roads with different people. And the people I confronted were the people I really cared about whereas the people I didn't... well, now that they're not in my life so much anymore, I really don't miss them. And I know that's mean but I don't. (I have too many people I do miss to worry about the ones I don't.)



zulayr said:

i'm sure you've heard a popular quote about not dwelling on people from the past, because there's a good reason why they didn't make it to your present. It's somewhere along the lines of that, minus a few words here and there.

happy birthday, jordyn! :)

January 17, 2008 4:03 PM

jasmines said:

If the world had no awkward topics we would all be very happy but also very different.  In a way it's nice to have all the restrictions on what not to say so you feel guided, but in some cases it's rather annoying.  I enjoy option B by the way:)

January 22, 2008 3:49 PM

Can't Ever Choose a Favorite Color said:

Okay. I have a few things to say tonight. Remember how way back when I said I wanted to do a post on

April 16, 2008 9:04 PM


Oct. 15 [going to work soon] [two school essays due; majorly nervous about both] [remember when i wrote that short story where the girl said "majorly" every other WORD practically? ha]