Your Smile On Fire

...from the song Xavia

oh hi i forget what the name of this is

Dear Self,

I have a few things to say. A few words of wisdom if you will. And you have to listen because I know SO MUCH MORE than you. So listen up.

For starters, sometimes people say things just to say things. And sometimes those things don’t make much sense. Don’t get too wrapped around the axel about it; people are just so stupid is all and really to be honest with you I don’t think their brains always work quite right.

Also. You know how sometimes you kind of go a little haywire and get really sad for no reason? Guess what. THERE’S A REASON. Always. You just don’t always know what that reason is and also the reasons rarely make any sense. (However they do usually have to do with your expectations for yourself and comparisons to others. Comparisons you shouldn’t necessarily be making quite so often. It might be healthy if you eased up a bit.)

On that same note: you seem to get anxious rather easily. Also, often. I realize, of course, that you know this and are trying to stop it and I’m just here to let you know that you should keep trying. It is not healthy to be so anxious. IT IS A PROBLEM.

 While we’re hovering around the subject of problems, do you know that whenever people ask how you are doing you automatically reply, “good?” Well, you do. And not that it’s not a perfectly acceptable answer most times, but it’s just not ALWAYS. For example. Sometimes you have headaches. Actually you OFTEN have headaches (I don’t know why; probably because of all your needless anxiety) and these headaches make you snap at your mom. Or your sister. And then when they ask how you’re feeling YOU SAY YOU’RE FEELING GOOD WHEN IT IS A TOTAL LIE. (Now I know you don’t mean to lie and it just slips out, but could you check your answers before they leave your lips, please? It would really save me a lot of trouble.)

Now for a few general tips to help you with life.

  • When you mention to your friends how weird/insane/pathetic/crazy/wrong you are, do not be suprised or taken aback when they agree. After all YOU SAID IT, not them. THEY ARE JUST BEING SUPPORTIVE.
  • Do not ask questions hoping for a certain answer; you will most always be disappointed.
  • Your best friend is always going to disagree with you. On. Everything. (Almost everything, that is.) You just have to accept this and love her anyways.
  • If this is even possible, try to remember that all those little things that crack you up about your sister make her feel bad when you tease her about them. She obviously doesn’t see how funny/cute she is and she DOESN’T GET IT when you point it out to her. In fact, just the opposite, she perceives it as you being mean to her.
  • You know how you sometimes go over things over and over again in your mind because IT JUST DOESN’T MAKE SENSE? Yeah. Stop that. Sometimes things just don’t make sense and you should be used to that by now. (The funny thing about this is you never get like this with the Big Stuff, it’s always the little stuff that consumes you in this way. You’re a very odd sort of girl.)


Stop feeling guilty. Just quit it. Most of the things you feel guilty about are things that really have nothing to do with you anyways and the other things all have to do with your unreasonable expectations for yourself. Jordyn, you are a human. NOT PERFECT. HUMAN. Not just human either, but a TEENAGE HUMAN. Slipping up is allowed. (So is watching John & Kate Plus 8 when you think that clearly you should be doing something productive like, uh, I don’t know, saving the world or going out with people or something.)

Speaking of GOING OUT WITH PEOPLE and having the typical life you (so often) think you should have, it’s okay. It’s okay that you don’t. Really. Other people’s lives aren’t as great as you imagine them to be and you know that when you take a step back from all the ridiculous comparisons you really do love your life. And you know why? Because it’s frikkin awesome.

So there.

Oh, also? You know that when you’re really in a bummy mood you can go watch Brotherhood 2.0 for a made of awesome laugh, right? Try and remember that a little more.

With love and hugs,




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Oct. 15 [going to work soon] [two school essays due; majorly nervous about both] [remember when i wrote that short story where the girl said "majorly" every other WORD practically? ha]