Your Smile On Fire

...from the song Xavia

this post comes in two parts and explains my two week hiatus

Ok so I was totally going to make a post from the library at lunch today. But seeing as how it was practically pouring outside EVERY SINGLE COMPUTER was in use. So I went to eat lunch in my car and by the time I got to my car my jacket was soaked and my hair was so wet it was all slicked down to my head. It was quite the sight, I tell you.

     And this post comes in two parts.


Part one: my two-week hiatus. It was not entirely my decision. It was really my dad's "suggestion" for me to take a break (a complete, clean, no-looking-back break) from writing and reading. The deal was actually for three weeks, but come on, I'm amazed I made it this long. I was starting to go a little insane. I mean seriously. Not being able to write about the stuff stressing me out was making me cranky and angry like you would not believe. Writing might be an obsession, but it's an obsession that helps keep me sane.

     So what did this hiatus mean? It meant no blogging, no working on my in-progress novel or any short stories or poems. No writing in my many (many many) notebooks. No writing in my journal. No emailing. Which, truth be told, was quite probably the hardest part. I mean my best friend lives on the other side of the country for crying outloud. Email is one of my life lines to her. And all my other good friends? Um... Florida (hi Becca!), Northern California (Erika!), Arizona (Ash, Sarah! Bradison and Madison!), So the only one that really  lives close by is my adorably adorable sister.

     So yeah.

     Saying this whole project was "difficult" would be an understatement of gigantic proportions. And you want to know why? Because my life takes place in words. These random lines will come to me during school and I'll write down stuff with my psychology notes that have absolutely nothing to do with Freud! (exclamation intentional, Friends reference) or Pavlov and his dog experiment (I could make an Office reference right now, I really really could).

     But hey! I'm back now! My dad's hope was that taking a break would make me better or more creative when I got back at it. I'm not sure if it's worked or not because I think writing is one of those things that you have to consistantly be doing to maintain your ability. Like when I started writing again, yesterday? I could tell the words weren't coming as easily as they should have been. It was a weird feeling.


Part two: cheating. You know what? Cheating is wrong and I know it's wrong and we all know it's wrong but at the same time... I can kind of understand it. I mean honestly, why do we go to high school or junior high or college? In its simplest terms, whatever schooling we're doing right now is merely the means to an end. I want to teach kindergarten so I'm stuck taking these ridiculous general education classes that, I'm sorry, will never be of use to me once I leave the classroom. As my dad is fond of telling me when I get stressed over classes or grades or school in general, "You just have to play the game. It's all about checking the boxes." True. I just barely passed my World History class last semester but I did pass it. And now I never have to go through it again. (And trust me, that is a huge relief.)

     But here's where the snag arises, and where I can really kind of understand cheating, especially (see below) if the person's not copying someone else's work. If it's all about checking off the boxes (and so often it is), if this is just a means to an end (again, it is), then the only thing that matters is getting through. No matter how you get through. I mean I'm not talking about med school or about your NCLEX exam (nurses), I'm talking about the classes (and there are oh-so-many) that don't actually matter but that you have to pass anyways. Without getting into the "unfairness" or the "ethics" of it, if school is just a means to an end then cheating is just a way to achieve what you've set out to achieve. No harm, no foul.

     But then on the other hand, cheating grates at me. It annoys the heck out of me. Why? The classic response, really. And that is that I work really hard for the grades I get. I'm not getting valedictorian-worthy grades or anything, but I do pretty good usually, and it's no accident. I do the work. I show up for class, I study, I do my homework, and I do extra credit when the professors offer it. I put in the time and every A, B, C, D, or F that I get is a result of that. Today in art class my professor (who I think is awesome by the way) was talking about how she tries to make her tests difficult to cheat on so it will be "fair for the A-students." I thought that was an odd way to put it but I was glad that she brought up the subject of cheating.

     And then I heard the girl sitting next to me - my "friend" (note the air quotes) - mutter,"F--- you," under her breath. Nice, huh? Later on this same girl took my take-home quiz that I'd just got back so she could copy down my answers for the ones she missed. And I took it back from her, which I'm sure suprised her because everyone's gotten to the point that they just let whoever wants to copy their answers and we barely even think of it as cheating anymore. But I put some serious effort into that quiz (which I then forgot at home and turned in late for reduced points, but that's beside the point). I probably spent over an hour on it and I wasn't just bsing my replies either. Maybe it's a selfish way to put it, but I hate the idea of someone else benefitting (sp) from the time and effort I put into my work. THEY SHOULD BE ABLE TO DO THEIR OWN DERN WORK!!


Oh and PS. Omygosh why is nobody blogging lately? Seriously. Practically no blogs have been posted SINCE I LEFT. I'm severely disappointed in you guys! (Haha, kidding. But for reals, what's up?)



Anti-Cinderella, Pro-Belle said:

So I was sitting at the counter eating a grilled cheese and reading What Happens Here, and my dad was

May 15, 2008 1:33 PM


Oct. 15 [going to work soon] [two school essays due; majorly nervous about both] [remember when i wrote that short story where the girl said "majorly" every other WORD practically? ha]