Seriously, someone should hand me a ****ing master's degree in self help... Maybe, I don’t know. There’s still more on my mind but I feel like keeping it brief. You know how when we’re little babies we are taking in impression after impression and our brains are making connections rapidly and overwhelmingly? Well, that’s happening to me again. I coming to stark realization after stark realization and my mind is close to collapsing under the pressure. Ok, not really. I’m fine, I’m just going through a period of anxiety but it’s almost over as I contemplate my way out. I think I found what I’m looking for. And I didn’t find it lying in bed thinking about it. I found it while watching this really fucking awesome movie, I don’t remember the name, something weird, but it’s in theaters now. Anyway, the movie was kind of boring, much like life- most of the time. It was all the stupid little things that the characters did and these trivial ironies that made it funny. These guys were being over-dramatic, they were being childish, they were being aloof, bossy… seriously, you name it. Yeah the movie monotonous, but the characters didn’t know it, and they certainly liked to pretend it wasn’t. What’s so wrong with that? As children we assign meaning to things that have no meaning. We give our stuffed animals voices, personalities, names. We create symbols, we enthusiastically pursue happiness, we make adamant demands, we touch, we feel, we love, we are content in the world that we believe in. Granted, that is before we are exposed to social standards and before we comprehend that reality is somewhat separate from our imagination. But still… The revelation that; in our independence, we alone have to take care of our physical and mental health can be quite suffocating. Life turns out to be hard work after all. But the cool thing about independence, an appreciation that quickly flees when we first feel its burden, is that we struggle with in the context of our imagination. We take from reality only what it imposes on us, and the rest, the rest we assign meaning to ourselves. We are working to attain what we dream of. Don’t worry, I have no idea what the *** I want to do in ten years either… but right now, I want good grades, I want to be physically healthy, I want to relax, I want to learn, I want to laugh… There’s about 15 hours of conscious living a day. I’m sure I can find time to meet my own standards as well as societies standards of success. Especially when I have every opportunity to choose responsibilities that I enjoy. Yay, for me.
Ok world, here’s another Fucking paradox: The only way to maintain our childlike enthusiasm, is to except (not reject- which I get caught up in) our new adult responsibilities and, you guessed it, show enthusiasm for them.