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Sorry I didn’t write yesterday. My grandma’s internet is often unpredictable. I also didn’t really feel like writing because I was just so damn dandy. It’s hard to write when you’re happy. It feels almost unnecessary. A lot of times for me, writing is a desperate venting outlet when no one else will listen. But it shouldn’t be ...
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I hung out with two close friends. They are so cute and make life so happy. When I listen to them I am reminded that the majority of people are capable of showing both compassion and judgmental ass-holeness.
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*** it, it’s about time. The flood gates of self-help have been opened, if I want to make a full recovery; I have to commit to honesty…G-d this is like rehab all over again.
It’s been 5 months since I got help for my eating disorder. Now, I know what you’re thinking; don’t tell me this *** was anorexic too. Yes, this ...
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Today was good. Thanksgiving dinner with my grandmother at a fancy resturant uptown. I used the wrong knife to butter my bread. Oops. Tonight was nice though. Walking through a soft breeze and dining in candle light with just the right amount of soothing conversation in the background. Privacy in company; it’s what my city is all ...
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Sorry. I’m really too tired to blog. Plus I didn’t really learn anything new today. I talked to my old therapist… that was good. I really am almost out of this anxiety period. I’m coming to accept that my life is what it is. As cheesy as it sounds I’m just trying to figure out how to live it to the fullest. I want the best future I can earn for ...
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Seriously, someone should hand me a ****ing master's degree in self help... Maybe, I don’t know. There’s still more on my mind but I feel like keeping it brief. You know how when we’re little babies we are taking in impression after impression and our brains are making connections rapidly and overwhelmingly? Well, that’s happening to me again. ...
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It just occurred to me that thinking might not be the most productive thing one can do, though it does often carry that connotation. I mean, we are intellectual animals capable of higher thought, but how useful is higher thought when we are just animals? Not to say higher thought isn’t cool or good for our psychology… because I think it ...
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Example No.1: No safe haven to call “home”.
My parents permanently relocated to a different state after they dropped me off for college. “We” still have not moved into the new house they bought.
Sam: I am getting sick of writing, I should just carry around a tape recorder.
Sam’s Dad: Do you still have the little one I bought you?
Sam: ...
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I had an anxiety attack last night. A repression that had been developed by my minds careful denial system had suddenly been lifted. A terrifying reality escaped into the for-fronts of my consciousness and haunted me into despair. Luckily my parents were there and helped to guide me out.
I have had only two other anxiety attacks in my ...
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Today was hard. I’m tired again. Last night I slept pretty well but I guess the previous nights are taking a toll on today’s energy. Either that or I’m just emotionally drained. I went to the Crown Plaza to speak at a support group for parents who have sent their kids to my old residential treatment center. I go to these things as often as I can ...