Maybe I'm a little too obsessive.

Growing up?

I think there's a time when you need to realize that you've grown out of certain stages in your life.

I used to have a birthday party every year. Sometimes I'd even have a Halloween party! I loved getting together with friends, no matter what drama shook up, and just having fun. I was actually very social, very friendly, maybe even fun.

When I got to high school, this all sort of changed. Now, I don't really like going to parties. I'm calm. I have a few loner qualities. I don't like rowdiness, I don't like craziness. I'm going to be one of those women who only loves the party where you mingle and you already know everybody. I don't like bunches of loudmouths I don't know, no matter how cool I know they probably are. It's just awkward for me.

I went to a Halloween party tonight. It might have been enjoyable had I known more of the people there. But no, this was a party held by somebody I've been friends with since first grade — we now go to different schools, have since second grade — and all except one other person (besides her) were people I did not know. They had all these inside jokes and crazy antics, and I felt so out of place. And I knew I would: it's like this almost every time I'm with this friend now. And I haven't even seen her in two years or so. That's kind of why I went. Because I used to love going to her house and hanging out with her. Our friendship has definitely... morphed, to say the least. Going years without talking? And then her inviting me to her Halloween party after I see her at her place of employment? It's odd. But I'm nostalgic.

I'm okay with being more solitary than perhaps I used to be. I'm okay with not liking parties, with staying home and being by myself. I have friends that I love hanging out with, but I'm finally fine with not being with them all the time.

I just hate how sometimes, I do want to revert back to those old tendencies. When it didn't matter if I didn't know the other people. When I was better at saying whatever came to mind.

Growing up sucks sometimes. You know?
Published Oct 31 2007, 10:26 PM by amyh
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jordynt said:

Growing up, growing apart. It all sucks sometimes. I know what you mean about your friendship with her not being what it once was, because I'm going through a similiar thing with one of my friends... except that we're not just drifting apart, she's more like pushing me away with the way she acts.

And I don't want to lose her friendship but I can't stand being constantly torn down.

So yeah, it sucks.

October 31, 2007 9:37 PM