Today was... today. Interesting. The usual. Weird.
I did something I never thought that I would do in a million years. Something I always thought would be fun, but to actually go through with it? Whoa.
Yeah. I tried out for the musical.
Which I've been saying I'd do. But I've said that stuff in the past, too. The past two years, actually. (I tried out for a play — not a musical, but just a play — Tartuffe — in sophomore year, and god what a tragedy that was. Stiff as a statue. Horrible!)
Now, I'm not a great singer. I enjoy it, I guess, but I'm not exactly top-notch. That was the easy part, though. That was the part I knew I could get (even though this year they switched up the routine and instead of having us prepare our own song, they gave us one to sing! But just a snippet. And there was a high note that I couldn't really hit but I tried, so that counts for something, right?, and plus I've been sick, so — um. I'll stop and continue on now.) No, no, no, see, we had to dance. And this wasn't just tapping your feet and snapping your fingers a little. Uh, no, there were steps that had names — crazy! I learned today that I am definitely not a dancer. I have two left feet. Being left feet, they have the tendency to do everything backwards."Kick with your right!" "No, no, right feet, right!" And being left feet, they do a lot of tripping. So to put it simply, I did a lot of backwards tripping this afternoon. Yes, I think that if I ever intend to master this whole dancing thing, I'm going to have to take it slow. Very slow. Oh dear.
But it was enjoyable. I think. Hm. Was it? Haha.
I don't really expect a callback. I'll most likely get to be in the chorus (so they say), which will be a blast. Everybody involved in the musicals always seem so happy with their parts, even if they don't get one that they want. And, hello, this is my first time ever trying out for the musical! Getting to be a part of it at all is going to be amazing. Plus, it's my senior year! Time to do something I've been dreaming of for years!
The most amazing part of this afternoon is that I definitely took something very important from all of this: that I have gotten past that little freshman who was afraid of all of her classmates, afraid of what they all thought, afraid to break out. Sure, my audition today was laced with self-consciousness and clumsiness and paranoid laughter, but the fact that I actually went through with it? It tells me that I'm growing up, I'm moving on, I'm working with what my life is offering me instead of pushing it all away. I'm trying my best to break out of my comfort zone. As frightening as it is to step out, the uncomfort zone brings me much more knowledge and strength than comfort can. It brings me towards a future — doesn't hold me back to a past. Gotta break out and let loose and show people that I'm ready to finally be me.
(Plus, I totally made a friend today. It was nice. We bonded over dancing abilities. She played a great dead person.)
Amy: HEY! GUESS WHAT I DID TODAY!
Erik: You spoke to a large group without almost passing out?
Erik: (Hope hope.)
Amy: well, close.
Amy: scarier, actually.
Erik: Go on.
Amy: i auditioned for the musical!!
Erik: I'M SO PROUD OF YOU!
Erik: Oh, wow! I'm just so shocked.
Erik: It's a happy kinda shock.