Maybe I'm a little too obsessive.

Oh, the absurdity of my evenings.

Yesterday, I mentioned the fact that I had to write a paper about something absurd, and that I was having issues thinking of a topic.

Well, I decided to just start writing and see what came up. Um, here it is, ahaha.

Note: it started out merely about, um, absurdity. And then turned into obsession. And ended up here.

LiveJournal Love Affair

Over the course of thinking of something truly absurd to write about, I kept getting sidetracked. Books to read, online videos to watch, stories to write! How am I supposed to find the time for schoolwork?

Of course, the minute this thought occured to me, I realized: what the crap, Amy. You know what’s absurd? You are. Or at least, your priorities.

In attempting to keep a wonderfully serene attitude this last year of high school, I somehow managed to distort my priorities. Seriously distort them. Homework and school don’t come first. No, I come home and I have to fulfill my daily obsession quota. This is brought about through my LiveJournal friends’ page, filled with rants or videos or pictures or questions galore. From cupcakes and music to shampoo and shoes. Suddenly, ten o’clock rolls around and what work have I done? Oh, my mind has wandered to my backpack on occasion. That counts, right? Points for effort?

Probably not.

What’s truly absurd is indeed the fact that I can’t stay away from LiveJournal. And it’s probably ruining my life.

I’ve been holding this love affair with LiveJournal for four or so years now, and it doesn’t ever seem to let up. I even shelled out the money for a permanent account, so that I could have the entire 140 user pictures, the voice posting, the ten gigs of photo hosting. What’s even crazier is how LiveJournal, my longest-lasting obsession, won’t stop spawning new ones. Thank you, friends who come and go and introduce me to new things! Thanks to whomever brought random Japanese Idols onto my friends’ page and into my life, for now I cannot stop watching dramas and listening to music that use a language I can’t understand at all! Thank you, various communities, for providing me hordes of people with whom I can obsess over Ugly Betty and Gossip Girl! Even America’s Next Top Model, a show I don’t actually like a lot, but that I watch anyway just to read silly catty comments in the discussion post for each episode! Indeed, what could be more absurd than watching shows I can’t understand along with shows I can’t even stand? And it’s all thanks to you, LiveJournal.

Writing this out, I begin to worry about my level of sanity. I go through this worry at least once a day, wondering, Should I let up? Should I try to stop? But even if I tried, I know I never really would. (Honestly: I tried the hiatus thing once. I think it lasted a month. But it was only a posting hiatus, and I still read entries and commented every day.)

I understand the absurdity of obsession. Of not being able to tear yourself away from something you claim to love, even though it’s tearing you apart. I know that LiveJournal has permanently damaged my social skills, and that it can’t be healthy when sometimes I don’t even realize that I’ve wasted four hours simply refreshing the page to see if more people have posted. But you know what? I like to think that LiveJournal has done some good for me. I write all the time now! That’s good, seeing as I like to think of myself as a writer. And I keep in touch with friends, people from camps or past schools! I may not be able to socialize face-to-face very well, but when it’s online, I think I’m pretty darn fantastic.

So I’m going to hurry up and finish writing this out. I haven’t checked my friends’ page in about twenty minutes. Who knows what might have happened since then!
Published Feb 07 2008, 05:50 PM by amyh
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jasmines said:

I love how obsession always leads to more obsession.  There should be a club that we can all obsess over and tell everyone about how fantastic Grey's Anatomy is and such.

February 7, 2008 5:37 PM