Maybe I'm a little too obsessive.

My one not-really resolution

I know I always say that I've been away too long, I'll start blogging regularly again, it's just that exciting stuff doesn't tend to happen to me that often.

Oh, screw it. I don't have to blog about exciting things. I can just write about whatever comes to mind. I think I'm just partially afraid of starting to write things that don't turn out very good. But that's just part of writing, I have to remember. To write anything good, you've gotta write at all.

I don't like making new year's resolutions. To me, they mean, "This is what I'm going to do to make this year better than last year." But I don't necessarily want to make 2009 better than 2008. Last year was a good year: I got into college, I started college. I made new friends and good grades (did I tell you? Five As, an A-, and a B+. That's a 3.8 GPA. And my first A in a science class, ever). I played in two wizard rock shows. I smiled a lot. I laughed a lot. I saw Spring Awakening and RENT and Spamalot. 2008 kicked ass, to put it simply. And instead of trying to figure out how to make 2009 a better year than 2008, I'd rather just look ahead and think, "Well. I hope this year kicks ass, too."

But if I were to make one resolution for the coming year, it might be to not make so many excuses. To not regret things as much. I won't say I want to lose all regret—regret can be helpful, and let's be honest, every once in a while we're all going to think about that alternate universe in which we chose orange juice over milk or something like that. But maybe it would be nice to start a blog entry with something other than, "Wow, it's been a while, I've just been so busy." Or maybe I'd like to be able to fess up when I've read the wrong chapters or written something crappy, rather than give the excuses, "Oh, I was just too tired/busy/bogged down with other work." Sometimes we screw up and we have no excuses. Sometimes we forget to do things or procrastinate too much and we can't turn around and wish we'd changed things. We can only move forward and think, "Okay, maybe I'll try to do this differently in the future."

So the next time I blog here may be tomorrow or next week or next month or next semester. Who knows? I'm not going to say that I'll try to keep up more often, or that I'll try to create some sort of schedule. Instead, I'll say, "See you around." That's better, right? Truer. Freer.



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