Maybe I'm a little too obsessive.

Zulay did this to me. Blame her.

Okay, I stole this entry's title from Zulay. I'm a thief.

But she reminded me of something that happened yesterday.

So I've been watching a lot of Buffy, right? Yes. Well, it's the episode Lover's Walk, and Spike is spewing his speech to Buffy and Angel about how they'll never just be friends and how "he may be love's ***," blah blah blah.

The moment Spike started speaking, I went nuts. Squealy, squirmy crazy. Actually shouting, "Oh my god, oh my god!"

In eighth grade, when my friend Hannah and I used to obsess over Buffy, we'd memorize speeches like that — usually Spike speeches, too — and we had that one down. Listening to it... god. I used to have that memorized! And it kills me, too, because middle school was just... amazing. Weird. Crazy. Bad. Good. I don't know. It was only middle school, someday it'll be hardly even a blip on my radar. But now, I still look back and wonder... what happened? Is that what turned me into the self-conscious "run for my life" girl I was upon entering high school? Wait wait, that's not even what I wanted to get at. No, I... I was simply going to mention that... it's funny how friendships kind of ooze away. Hannah and I — we obsessed over Buffy, loved it, talked about it every day — talked with each other every day. We used to be crazy good friends (not just because of Buffy, but it certainly helped in keeping our friendship afloat).

And now, now — she sat in front of me in our Psychology class this past six weeks. Whenever I'd make a remark to her or her friend Alex, or if Alex or Ming would turn around and say something to me, Hannah wouldn't even look at me, let alone say a word. No, she pretty much ignores me these days.

Most of the time, I don't care. I'm used to it now. I've got other friends, anyway. But... moments like yesterday's, when I'm watching Buffy and a once-memorized passage comes up, it drives me a little crazy with nostalgia. Lover's Walk, Amends, Beneath You. Other episodes that I can't think of but that will surely come up during this crazy Buffyfest I've created for myself. It all gets a little hard sometimes. But then I start talking to Saskia or Vincent or Chungyen instead, and it's better again. Helps me to remember that I kept and made other friends. And anyway, I shouldn't dwell on those silly middle school moments. In fact, I should probably be going to sleep.



jasmines said:

Isn't it weird when someone that was your closest friend a few years ago now acts like a stranger?  My best friend from grades 4-6 is now a casual aquainance, and it's the strangest thing.  Last January I had to go the the ER and her parents brought me because they're still my emergency contact, but we've both changed volumes and now we're just....not compatible.  

December 20, 2007 11:26 PM

zulayr said:

haha, my nostalgia crept up on you and Jordyn. I understand how you feel though; it's those moments that come back to you when you least expect it. Kinda sucks sometimes, but what can you do. Attleast you know you have friends that appreciate you and are there for you, and that's what matters. :)

On a brighter note, congrats on getting into college!!

December 21, 2007 5:53 AM

emilykn said:

its sad, isnt it....sorta depressing, actually. you guys are all older than me...but still, in 8th grade, i can get pretty depressed about this stuff. it's, there are all these people that you share so much with, and then they move away, or you move away, or u aren't in their class anymore, or whatever. and then it's all lost. and memories only last forever. it's just hard to accept that, i guess. that i have almost no direction....maybe i should turn this in to a AMY did this to me! its like some kinda chain lol..o well i'll just finish in here (seeing that it's 3 30 am and i REALLY wanna get some sleep!) but anyways, i dont know what i'm doing with my life at all...dont know waht i want to be when i grow up or anything, and i mean, sure 8th grade is a little young to be having panic attacks like i sometimes can...but i mean, i was saying that about being in 5th grade what seemed like 2 days ago...not 3 years! so yeah, i get what youre saying!! xoxo

December 29, 2007 12:31 AM