Okay, I stole this entry's title from Zulay. I'm a thief.
But she reminded me of something that happened yesterday.
So I've been watching a lot of Buffy, right? Yes. Well, it's the episode Lover's Walk, and Spike is spewing his speech to Buffy and Angel about how they'll never just be friends and how "he may be love's ***," blah blah blah.
The moment Spike started speaking, I went nuts. Squealy, squirmy crazy. Actually shouting, "Oh my god, oh my god!"
In eighth grade, when my friend Hannah and I used to obsess over Buffy, we'd memorize speeches like that — usually Spike speeches, too — and we had that one down. Listening to it... god. I used to have that memorized! And it kills me, too, because middle school was just... amazing. Weird. Crazy. Bad. Good. I don't know. It was only middle school, someday it'll be hardly even a blip on my radar. But now, I still look back and wonder... what happened? Is that what turned me into the self-conscious "run for my life" girl I was upon entering high school? Wait wait, that's not even what I wanted to get at. No, I... I was simply going to mention that... it's funny how friendships kind of ooze away. Hannah and I — we obsessed over Buffy, loved it, talked about it every day — talked with each other every day. We used to be crazy good friends (not just because of Buffy, but it certainly helped in keeping our friendship afloat).
And now, now — she sat in front of me in our Psychology class this past six weeks. Whenever I'd make a remark to her or her friend Alex, or if Alex or Ming would turn around and say something to me, Hannah wouldn't even look at me, let alone say a word. No, she pretty much ignores me these days.
Most of the time, I don't care. I'm used to it now. I've got other friends, anyway. But... moments like yesterday's, when I'm watching Buffy and a once-memorized passage comes up, it drives me a little crazy with nostalgia. Lover's Walk, Amends, Beneath You. Other episodes that I can't think of but that will surely come up during this crazy Buffyfest I've created for myself. It all gets a little hard sometimes. But then I start talking to Saskia or Vincent or Chungyen instead, and it's better again. Helps me to remember that I kept and made other friends. And anyway, I shouldn't dwell on those silly middle school moments. In fact, I should probably be going to sleep.