zulayr

 18 days into 2009 and i can safely conclude that, if this year will be anything like the last two weeks, i'm in for one hell of a ride.

i think that this time,though,  i'll throw my hands up and lean into the rush. xo

 I was sorting through my middle school picture album last night and, in a little pocket on the back cover, found a tiny plastic picture bookmark with your 8th grade yearbook photo printed on it. It was so cheesy; you were posing with your arms crossed and your head tilted up with your chest puffed out to try make your 14 year old scrawniness look older than what you were. You wore that playboy smirk on your face that you always used when you were trying to look cool. We all knew you were a dork so it didn't matter. :)

 It was nice to find that. I didn't even know I still had it, really. Thanks for the reminder, J.

So, I promised myself I would make a conscious effort to try and blog more because A. there's a bunch of thoughts and ideas and what not's buzzing in my head, and B. i'm tired of writing these thoughts and ideas and what not's on random pieces of paper and napkins and classwork notes. I've been more attuned to my more analytical senses lately, for some reason. I mean, I'm usually a pretty perceptive person and I tend to mentally elaborate more on things that probably shouldn't be given even the last 10 minutes of my day, but these past few months have put my mind on overdrive; it's an overdrive of what if''s and why not's and why do these thing's happen...'s (?) and it's coming at me from all sides; work, school, my social life, everything's just..out of whack, i don't know. It's like those moments when you really have to concentrate hard on something, or trying to remember one thing and you just keep getting sidetracked by everything around you. I can't quite pinpoint what this feeling is, but I know it sort of feels like when you surrender your control to adrenaline; driving a car at top speed without bothering to keep a conscious control of the steering wheel, or throwing yourself off the highest cliff into water, not knowing how you will land or what awaits in the waves but acknowleding the fall, conscious of the rush. I guess the reasons behind my unknown adrenaline will make thmselves known when the time is right. But will it be too late by then? My car can only speed so far without reaching a roadblock. I can take the fall, but how long will I be able to tread in the water? OK, I know this might not make sense at all and it's really actually very vague, but it's better than trying to sum it up along the margins of my math homework -__- Promise I'll be back with a bit more specifics and coherency.

Man, it only takes half a summer vacation for me to realize how much i miss school and how busy it keeps me. The hustle and bustle of work-to-school is actually..fun? weird thought, but it's true.

So while I wait for the fall semester to start, i'm just trying to keep busy.. maybe start a new book? I just finished Flipped and it was the CUTEST. Wasn't really that into it at first, but i forced myself to sit down and get through it (since I had bought it about two months before and had yet to get past the second chapter) and it ended up being the sweetest story. Teenagers with the wit and humor of fully grown adults. Recommend it!

As for new reading, I'm open to reading pretty much anything, as long as it keeps me clinging to the plot. Any suggestions?

 Hope everyone is doing awesome!

Today just reminded me why I barely ever wear jeans around this time.

This is what i HATE about living in So.Fla. I mean, the sun is awesome and the water at this time is starting to rise above freezing temps, but its the humidity and the rain that just kills everything. I honestly don't know how tourists can take it; it's always a good 10 degrees hotter with humidity, and it doesn't help that Florida is an already scorching hot state.And when it rains, forget it- the humidity + the heat + THE RAIN= stay in your house and sit under an air vent.

 I walked outside today to have lunch- I might have been outside like what, 15 minutes?- and the amounts of vapor surrounding me were enough for me to sweat a good third of the liquid in my body, making me have to walk back into my office looking a terrible hot mess. /sigh

 

And just because i think i brought this upon myself, i just looked outside and it looks like it's gonna pour. Thank you, Mother Nature.

So I accompanied my sister to a viewing for her friend's grandmother. Turns out the viewing was in the same room that my friend Jesus had his in. Hm, wasn't so good. Tried to keep my composure but of course, failed miserably.

But on a lighter note, I completed level two of the Air Climber!!! Which leads me to wonder why i'm even reporting every level I finish; I guess it's because it hurts so much while i'm dong it that i can't help but brag -_-

Alright, promise i'll be back with something more interesting than my exercise 'feats. It's been a long night- longer than i anticipated- so i think a dvd and some cafe con leche sounds awesome right now.

YES!! 3 MORE LEVELS TO GO!

/faints

I recently got back from a trip with some friends to Orlando..AWESOME! Man, we had SO much fun.  i really needed a trip like that. Just to get away for one weekend and have some fun. We went to Islands of Adventure on Saturday-video coming soon!-  and dinner on Sat. night was HILARIOUS.  We went to Hooters and basically ordered the entire menu, all while talking about the crazy things one person did in their sleep, or who got queasy on what ride (which, btw, i strongly suggest to anyone who doesnt wanna throw up not to ride Dueling Dragons after downing chicken tenders and 1/3 of a pizza.hmm). We also went to Aquatica, this new water park with some super fast slides and the laziest lazy river ever, and now i'm sitting in my office, redder than the red flats i'm wearing and itching because my skin is tragically peeling. :(

But anywho, we rode this one slide called the Dolphin Plunge, where you went down this tube slide (PITCH BLACK, let me tell you; i thought i was gonna have a panic attack!) that led you through a pool filled with Commerson dolphins (the website showed like, a billion of them in there but the pool only had 2 -_-) and then to a little pool where you exit the slide. We were all excited to go on it and laughing and cheering, but when I saw that light turn green and I slid down, the party was OVER. The only sound I heard was the water rushing with me, and when it got to taking a glimpse at the dolphins, I was too busy trying not to drown from the water riding up my nose. I swear, the people watching from outside the pool only saw a flailing vibrant  body in a bright pink bathing suit, trying to shoo water away. When we all got out of that slide and we just looked at each other with a serious face, like saying "..man. that was uncomfortable". So after that scare, we headed out to the wave pool and hit the lazy river, which had a grotto full of colorful fish. Idk, we got on like 50 slides, and they all ended in me having a permanent wedgie, but it was fun. :p

Now I'm back in Hialeah (with pigment!) and awaiting my next trip to Orlando this Friday (again). I'm going canoeing to some spring with a some friends and one of their families, so there'll be more sun bathing. Horray for my extremely white skin!

When is it my turn to have the fun?! And I'm not talking about the "stay up all night and party my ass off" kind of fun; I'm talking more along the lines of the "feel like i'm actually doing something worthwhile with my life" kind of fun. But the good news is that I have a whole summer to figure this awkward feeling out. Hopefully it goes away because if this is any sign of what's to come, then i'm in for a hell of a 2 months. Hm. 

Just thought I would share yesterday's events with you all, since it's the morning after and i STILL don't believe it happened.

 

So I spent the better half of yesterday studying for my math final- I went over every possible question that could be on the test, and I even decided i would go to class a half hour early just so i could go over my review with my professor. I get to school and when i'm about 6 steps away from class, I realize that I didn't have my calculator, which to me is a tragedy because i'm nothing without it; like really, I use a calculator for simple arithmetic just so i don't stumble and make a mistake using mental math- i'm attached to the freaking thing. So I start to panic and decide to run (yes,run) to the bookstore to try and buy a calculator- then i look at the time and apparently, stress makes time go SO much faster because i only had 17 minutes to get to the bookstore (which of course, is on the other side of campus), buy the calculator, run BACK to my classroom and try to review with my professor. With that long task at hand, i haul it to the bookstore and start nervously powerwalking around the aisles to find a calculator, and when I finally find one it turns out that I would have to pay $150 for it because they only had the fancy ones that looked like they can probably calculate the latitude of South Africa. I ask one of the girls there if they had a simple calculator that doesn't cost so much- you know, one where I can just add and subtract and divide and all that easy stuff. Of course, the girl tells me that they ran out and she offered to order some for me, and although i think it was nice of her to try, it wasn't gonna help my situation at all.

I ditch the bookstore and start heading back to class and start calling anyone who might be at school at that time, but as fate would have it no one answers, so i call my best friend to attleast try and calm myself down. Luckily she tells me that she can drive to school and bring me hers, but the only problem was that my exam was in less than ten minutes. She tells, me, "don't worry! i'll make it there by then and you'll be fine!" So a part of me starts to chill, and as Im pacing in front of my class, it starts to dawn on me that I was the only person waiting outside, and the door was locked and the lights were off. It's usually not like my professor to be late because she always gets to class early on test days to review. i start thinking to myself, if this test is in the math lab then FOR SURE i'm going to be late cause that's all the way on the other side of school, which, in turn, made me freak all over again, so i called my best friend again to tell her to meet me somewhere else. In the midst of my panic, she asks me, "wait..your test IS today, right?" and i say "of course it is! it's in my notes!"you see? my test IS on...wednesday...oh."

So yes, my test was not yesterday. It's tomorrow. I ran around school for nothing and i looked like a mess; a sweaty, humid-haired calculatorless mess.I was so drained that i don't think I could've brewed up anger if i tried, so me and my best friend just laughed it off. I guess leaving my calculator at home was a sign, but the power of finals-stress believes in no signs. And now i have a ton of people from work asking me how my test went, and all i say is that it was postponed. -_-

After weeks of obseving my own social patterns, I've concluded that I am a very "uneventful" teenager.

"Uneventful", because I refuse to use the word "boring".

Ok, you really start to question your social life when your PARENTS are getting ready to go out on a Saturday night, and your mom walks into your room, borrows your makeup and asks, "why aren't you going out tonight? get out of bed and have fun!" while applying glittery plum eye shadow to her eyes. Meanwhile, I'm laying in bed, drowned in 3 pillows and two blankets watching True Life and wondering the same thing she is.

Tragic. Freaking tragic.

Mind you, this is my 2nd saturday staying home and doing nothing but growing roots in my bed. And I've HAD chances to go out; honestly, I can go out and not have to worry about a curfew or where I go or what time I get back (given that I dont abuse my privelege). I can go anywhere, at any time, yet i choose to sit in my room and rearrange my school supplies.

You know you don't go out much when you meet some friends up at someone's house and one of them goes, "omg! she got out of her cave!"

I do NOT live in a cave, I'm just tired. I mean, I work and I go to school and I have many responsibilities that i need to keep track of. I don't sit around and twirl my hair at home all day watching The Hills.

But then again, I think to myself: if my parents do it, then I should be able to..i mean, im only 19. And I'm in college! I'm supposed to be living the college life! I need to stop being to "uneventful" and go out and do stuff! So i'm working on going out more and not worrying so much over how many hours I sleep (or don't sleep). I'm young, and I need to live my life and see different places and just do different things. Going to Starbucks on a Thursday night won't kill me, and I'm sure hanging out at a friend's house every Tuesday from time to time won't hurt much. Man, I just need to stop being so blah and just have fun. Oh well, we'll see how far I'll get with that. Attleast i have my Orlando trip (!!!) to look forward to in the summer. Ahhhh, I can't wait! :)

 

 

 

So I've been thinking- am i really making the right choice by choosing the career i want to pursue? I mean, I've always wanted to be an editor/writer; i remember being in the fifth grade and doing a project on how I see myself in 20 years, and I spoke about being in the writing/editing business. It's the only thing I feel like I actually have potential doing (i know it sounds like a case of lack of self confidence, but it's the only thing i see myself doing, and actually liking). I've spoken to my mom about it and she believes that as long as i'm doing what makes me happy, then it's worth it. Then again, she also believes that it's more of a dream than a steady career, in some aspects. I sometimes think the same, but when you want something so badly and you truly believe that it's the right path to take, then why not follow your sense of direction?

 

Idk, it's something I've been putting a lot of thought into. When we're kids, our peers always reassure us that we have plenty of time to think about what we want to be when we "grow up". My time, however, is a bit more limited, and my growth has hit overdrive these past few years, so I think it's time for me to really take a moment and weigh my options.

There's this website I found today called FreeRice.com. It's a vocabulary game where you have to guess the meaning of each word correctly-for every one you get right, the site donates 20 grains of rice through the United Nations to prevent world hunger. I found it browsing though the internet today, and i Snoped it and it was real. Now i'm practically addicted to it because I'm helping out for a good cause and learning some new vocab at the same time.

 

So between finding this site, eating lots of cake and finding out that i don't have class on Saturday (!), this has been an AMAZING birthday. :)

Short entry, but I wanted to share this new site with you all. So check it out sometime!

 

 Hope everyone's taking it easy :)

Man, i haven't been able to blog in a while. This year has started off so busy, but part of me likes it this way. It's not a bad kind of busy; it's a "i have so many great things going on that I can't sit down for one second" kind of busy. I've given myself a lot more leisure time and just loosened up a bit more- A TOTAL help- and just let things happen as they go. Thanks to that, I now spend my weekends totally engulfed in having fun and spending it in such good company that I forget that it's back to work on Monday. I've been keeping up with writing in my journal- something i've never been able to do- and it's proven to be a big help to me because i've got some pretty good stuff in there! (i'll post some of my more public stuff soon. it was just an effect of writing on impulse and I was a bit surprised at the outcome). I have a strong feeling that this will be a great year, and i'm keeping my fingers crossed for it. :p

I've been thinking about Amy G's question on girls and the internet. I think it comes down to the fact that girls are naturally more emotional than guys; we have a deeper connection with those emotions and are able to express them in creative ways, such as blogging (the world's cyber journal), art, etc.  Now i'm not saying that there aren't any guys out there who posess these characteristics; I know a few guys who are really able to show off their creative minds through poetry, music and such- but speaking in a more general manner, girls tend to have an edge on the males. It's quite the interesting topic because now that I think about it, girls have a lot to work with on the internet. We have online communities such as Myspace, which is honestly a chance for any girl to show off their "unique" side via bulletins and profile edits and decor. We have a website called Flip- an online scrapbook community where people (namely girls) can create their own flipbooks; there's contests and different challenges and an endless amount of ideas where one could create flips on school, love, friends or anything else you want. The more of these sites that are made, the more girls get to expand their creative abilities. Growing up, guys are taught to "be a man" and not show as much emotion because it's the "manly" thing to do. Though when you really think about it, emotion and self expression are a HUGE part of growing up, as well as succeeding in the adult world. It's about being able to communicate and think outside the box, and I believe that because girls are able to do that via internet, it gives them that extra edge.

 

I know this is totally off topic, but I was also thinking about this yesterday when I was talking to a visitor at work. He mentioned a story in the news about a cop being found dead in an unmarked car.  He told me, "it's amazing to know how no one respects the law these days". And he has a point; this is one of three stories I've heard on cops being found dead recently. Of course, I understand that police officers know what they are getting themselves into when they choose that career path, and it's a life risking job and all; but now, more than ever before, all these stories are coming up about them dying and it just strikes me as odd. The world is becoming a scarier place by the second. You can't even go outside your own house without fearing someone driving by and shooting you. The violence rate in this country has risen tremendously, and it's really something to be concerned about. I know there is no such thing as a "violence free" atmosphere, but it's just progressing to a point where you ask yourself, if the law can't protect you, and the walls of your own home can't, then something really needs to be done. I think this topic will be one for me to consider when I vote this year (!!!), along with some other issues, but I won't get into that now.

 

Some of these things may sound like random ranting, but I felt like sharing them, and it felt good to voice my opinion to others for once. Goodbye for now- i'm off to my frist day of a new semester at school! :)

 

I sound too excited, I know. But for some odd reason I'm feeling very awake today. Hm.