zulayr

When is it my turn to have the fun?! And I'm not talking about the "stay up all night and party my ass off" kind of fun; I'm talking more along the lines of the "feel like i'm actually doing something worthwhile with my life" kind of fun. But the good news is that I have a whole summer to figure this awkward feeling out. Hopefully it goes away because if this is any sign of what's to come, then i'm in for a hell of a 2 months. Hm. 

Just thought I would share yesterday's events with you all, since it's the morning after and i STILL don't believe it happened.

So I spent the better half of yesterday studying for my math final- I went over every possible question that could be on the test, and I even decided i would go to class a half hour early just so i could go over my review with my professor. I get to school and when i'm about 6 steps away from class, I realize that I didn't have my calculator, which to me is a tragedy because i'm nothing without it; like really, I use a calculator for simple arithmetic just so i don't stumble and make a mistake using mental math- i'm attached to the freaking thing. So I start to panic and decide to run (yes,run) to the bookstore to try and buy a calculator- then i look at the time and apparently, stress makes time go SO much faster because i only had 17 minutes to get to the bookstore (which of course, is on the other side of campus), buy the calculator, run BACK to my classroom and try to review with my professor. With that long task at hand, i haul it to the bookstore and start nervously powerwalking around the aisles to find a calculator, and when I finally find one it turns out that I would have to pay $150 for it because they only had the fancy ones that looked like they can probably calculate the latitude of South Africa. I ask one of the girls there if they had a simple calculator that doesn't cost so much- you know, one where I can just add and subtract and divide and all that easy stuff. Of course, the girl tells me that they ran out and she offered to order some for me, and although i think it was nice of her to try, it wasn't gonna help my situation at all.

I ditch the bookstore and start heading back to class and start calling anyone who might be at school at that time, but as fate would have it no one answers, so i call my best friend to attleast try and calm myself down. Luckily she tells me that she can drive to school and bring me hers, but the only problem was that my exam was in less than ten minutes. She tells, me, "don't worry! i'll make it there by then and you'll be fine!" So a part of me starts to chill, and as Im pacing in front of my class, it starts to dawn on me that I was the only person waiting outside, and the door was locked and the lights were off. It's usually not like my professor to be late because she always gets to class early on test days to review. i start thinking to myself, if this test is in the math lab then FOR SURE i'm going to be late cause that's all the way on the other side of school, which, in turn, made me freak all over again, so i called my best friend again to tell her to meet me somewhere else. In the midst of my panic, she asks me, "wait..your test IS today, right?" and i say "of course it is! it's in my notes!"you see? my test IS on...wednesday...oh."

So yes, my test was not yesterday. It's tomorrow. I ran around school for nothing and i looked like a mess; a sweaty, humid-haired calculatorless mess.I was so drained that i don't think I could've brewed up anger if i tried, so me and my best friend just laughed it off. I guess leaving my calculator at home was a sign, but the power of finals-stress believes in no signs. And now i have a ton of people from work asking me how my test went, and all i say is that it was postponed. -_-

After weeks of obseving my own social patterns, I've concluded that I am a very "uneventful" teenager.

"Uneventful", because I refuse to use the word "boring".

Ok, you really start to question your social life when your PARENTS are getting ready to go out on a Saturday night, and your mom walks into your room, borrows your makeup and asks, "why aren't you going out tonight? get out of bed and have fun!" while applying glittery plum eye shadow to her eyes. Meanwhile, I'm laying in bed, drowned in 3 pillows and two blankets watching True Life and wondering the same thing she is.

Tragic. Freaking tragic.

Mind you, this is my 2nd saturday staying home and doing nothing but growing roots in my bed. And I've HAD chances to go out; honestly, I can go out and not have to worry about a curfew or where I go or what time I get back (given that I dont abuse my privelege). I can go anywhere, at any time, yet i choose to sit in my room and rearrange my school supplies.

You know you don't go out much when you meet some friends up at someone's house and one of them goes, "omg! she got out of her cave!"

I do NOT live in a cave, I'm just tired. I mean, I work and I go to school and I have many responsibilities that i need to keep track of. I don't sit around and twirl my hair at home all day watching The Hills.

But then again, I think to myself: if my parents do it, then I should be able to..i mean, im only 19. And I'm in college! I'm supposed to be living the college life! I need to stop being to "uneventful" and go out and do stuff! So i'm working on going out more and not worrying so much over how many hours I sleep (or don't sleep). I'm young, and I need to live my life and see different places and just do different things. Going to Starbucks on a Thursday night won't kill me, and I'm sure hanging out at a friend's house every Tuesday from time to time won't hurt much. Man, I just need to stop being so blah and just have fun. Oh well, we'll see how far I'll get with that. Attleast i have my Orlando trip (!!!) to look forward to in the summer. Ahhhh, I can't wait! :)

So I've been thinking- am i really making the right choice by choosing the career i want to pursue? I mean, I've always wanted to be an editor/writer; i remember being in the fifth grade and doing a project on how I see myself in 20 years, and I spoke about being in the writing/editing business. It's the only thing I feel like I actually have potential doing (i know it sounds like a case of lack of self confidence, but it's the only thing i see myself doing, and actually liking). I've spoken to my mom about it and she believes that as long as i'm doing what makes me happy, then it's worth it. Then again, she also believes that it's more of a dream than a steady career, in some aspects. I sometimes think the same, but when you want something so badly and you truly believe that it's the right path to take, then why not follow your sense of direction?

Idk, it's something I've been putting a lot of thought into. When we're kids, our peers always reassure us that we have plenty of time to think about what we want to be when we "grow up". My time, however, is a bit more limited, and my growth has hit overdrive these past few years, so I think it's time for me to really take a moment and weigh my options.

There's this website I found today called FreeRice.com. It's a vocabulary game where you have to guess the meaning of each word correctly-for every one you get right, the site donates 20 grains of rice through the United Nations to prevent world hunger. I found it browsing though the internet today, and i Snoped it and it was real. Now i'm practically addicted to it because I'm helping out for a good cause and learning some new vocab at the same time.

So between finding this site, eating lots of cake and finding out that i don't have class on Saturday (!), this has been an AMAZING birthday. :)

Short entry, but I wanted to share this new site with you all. So check it out sometime!

 Hope everyone's taking it easy :)

Man, i haven't been able to blog in a while. This year has started off so busy, but part of me likes it this way. It's not a bad kind of busy; it's a "i have so many great things going on that I can't sit down for one second" kind of busy. I've given myself a lot more leisure time and just loosened up a bit more- A TOTAL help- and just let things happen as they go. Thanks to that, I now spend my weekends totally engulfed in having fun and spending it in such good company that I forget that it's back to work on Monday. I've been keeping up with writing in my journal- something i've never been able to do- and it's proven to be a big help to me because i've got some pretty good stuff in there! (i'll post some of my more public stuff soon. it was just an effect of writing on impulse and I was a bit surprised at the outcome). I have a strong feeling that this will be a great year, and i'm keeping my fingers crossed for it. :p

I've been thinking about Amy G's question on girls and the internet. I think it comes down to the fact that girls are naturally more emotional than guys; we have a deeper connection with those emotions and are able to express them in creative ways, such as blogging (the world's cyber journal), art, etc.  Now i'm not saying that there aren't any guys out there who posess these characteristics; I know a few guys who are really able to show off their creative minds through poetry, music and such- but speaking in a more general manner, girls tend to have an edge on the males. It's quite the interesting topic because now that I think about it, girls have a lot to work with on the internet. We have online communities such as Myspace, which is honestly a chance for any girl to show off their "unique" side via bulletins and profile edits and decor. We have a website called Flip- an online scrapbook community where people (namely girls) can create their own flipbooks; there's contests and different challenges and an endless amount of ideas where one could create flips on school, love, friends or anything else you want. The more of these sites that are made, the more girls get to expand their creative abilities. Growing up, guys are taught to "be a man" and not show as much emotion because it's the "manly" thing to do. Though when you really think about it, emotion and self expression are a HUGE part of growing up, as well as succeeding in the adult world. It's about being able to communicate and think outside the box, and I believe that because girls are able to do that via internet, it gives them that extra edge.

I know this is totally off topic, but I was also thinking about this yesterday when I was talking to a visitor at work. He mentioned a story in the news about a cop being found dead in an unmarked car.  He told me, "it's amazing to know how no one respects the law these days". And he has a point; this is one of three stories I've heard on cops being found dead recently. Of course, I understand that police officers know what they are getting themselves into when they choose that career path, and it's a life risking job and all; but now, more than ever before, all these stories are coming up about them dying and it just strikes me as odd. The world is becoming a scarier place by the second. You can't even go outside your own house without fearing someone driving by and shooting you. The violence rate in this country has risen tremendously, and it's really something to be concerned about. I know there is no such thing as a "violence free" atmosphere, but it's just progressing to a point where you ask yourself, if the law can't protect you, and the walls of your own home can't, then something really needs to be done. I think this topic will be one for me to consider when I vote this year (!!!), along with some other issues, but I won't get into that now.

Some of these things may sound like random ranting, but I felt like sharing them, and it felt good to voice my opinion to others for once. Goodbye for now- i'm off to my frist day of a new semester at school! :)

I sound too excited, I know. But for some odd reason I'm feeling very awake today. Hm.

So I got to watching some episodes of that show last night, and I love it! I mean, i had watched it before, but i never really payed much attention to it. Some of the designs were awesome- makes me want to start designing my own clothes! (haha. yeah, right.) My friend had told me that one of his frat brothers was on the show, which was pretty cool. I have to say though, for anyone who watches it and knows what i'm talking about, Chris' wedding dress design..ew. (i might have the name wrong, idk.) As I was watching Heidi Klum eliminate designers with a simple "you're in" or "you're out", i started to laugh because i don't think America will ever run out of reality show ideas. As tastefully addicting as a show about potential designers fighting with pins and sewing machines to make it big in the fashion industry SOUNDS, it's still a funny concept and i couldn't help but giggle at our country's limitless television capabilities. 

At the end of the show, i started to wonder what i was gonna wear to work the next day, because lord knows it's always a mission to find something that matches. But all in all, i finally found a show worthy of looking forward to every week (besides The Hills, but i was never home to watch that so i was stuck watching reruns, which isn't as exciting because by the time I watched them, everyone I knew told me what happened. )

Goodbye for now!

OMG. i just answered the phone at work with "thank you for watching (co.name)-er..i mean, calling" All this talk about the show got to me. Oh boy.

Hmm. I was looking through my senior yearbook, and maaaaaan, i miss some things.

I miss not having to worry about making it to work on time. Or keeping up with so many responsibilities. I miss being a yearbook editor and spending hours in our class editing and dancing to spanish music on the computers. I miss eating lunch in a specific table everyday, and having verbal battles of wit with one of my favorite teachers. I miss feeling giddy before going to english class every day and singing in the stairwells with my songmates, and sometimes sneaking into the little theater's storage room and the art gallery with them, just to talk crap. Ah, the bitter effects of growing up. It's funny that Braille, by Regina Spektor, did this to me. I don't have a lot of these gushy moments, but this one hit me like a brick, so I had to share it.

But uhh...yea. So, how's everyone else?

I went Christmas shopping this weekend. Oh boy.

The malls were PACKED. And I really don't enjoy having to shove my way to the register to buy ONE thing. Ugh. What I find extremely ironic and baffling is that I went to the mall to buy gifts for other people, and I somehow left the mall with stuff for ME. Hm. But I'm going again next week to finish off my gift list. I did, however, buy my neices their gifts- as much of a mission as it was to get them. I bought the younger neice the bike she wanted, and I also got her a shiny pink Hannah Montana backpack (she's OBSESSED with that chick. It's kind of annoying sometimes). As for the other neice, I got her a phone, which she's also wanted for a while now. Bro, It's funny how my neice gets a phone at her age, and I didn't get one until I was like, what..15? But yea, I really outdid myself this Christmas with them.

I still have a whole list of people to buy gifts for, and virtually NO time to shop for anything, but I'll figure something out. :p

As for school, Im 2 finals down with one more to go (computers!). It's the exam I'm dreading the most, but hopefully it'll be easier than I think. Keeping my fingers crossed.

And I'm out!

Life is all about trying new things, right? well...yah. Buzz Bake Sale was definitely an experience to remember. Luckily, I got to see PARAMOREEEE!#$^%

yes, note the excitement in my writing.

They were awesome! Now, the only part that i didn't enjoy was the fact that I was practically piggy backing the person in front of me! Ah, it was horrible. I mean, I'm a bit clausterphobic, but if I just concentrate and ignore the fact that mosh boy and his pack of shoving cronies were trying to stir up a RIOT! in the crowd (ha.RIOT! get it?! and yes, it's the title of their album, if anyone doesn't know. :p), I'd be fine. but the SECOND Paramore started to play, it got CRAZY! And naturally, I lost it. If it wasnt for my friend Jean shoving people off of me, I would've really gone nutzo in there. So me and Anne went to the back of the crowd, and eventually, Aurora and Jean caught up with us and we eased our way a bit closer to the stage (we were still pretty far, but i wasn't about to go into that smothering crowd for round two).

After Paramore, we walked to the main stage where the Used was playing (well, more like sprinted, because Jean's OBSESSED with that band and he had already missed a good part of their show, so he was practically dragging us!). We just sat on the lawn and relaxed until it was time to go.

Man, oh man. Saturday was interesting. I had fun, but it's not something I would do over and over again.

In OTHER news, I came into work an HOUR AND A HALF EARLY today. And when I get here, my boss walks in and she's all, "oh wow! you're here early...why?"

"Uh, yea. you told me to come at 8."

"oh, really?! oh, wow. you didn't have to, you know."

-_-

Story of my life.

I know "adorableocity" is not a word, but I couldn't think of another one so early in the morning! :p

I finally got to upload the picture of my baby nephew from Thanksgiving:

Ahhh, isn't he cute?! xD

So yeah, this week has been one of the LONGEST weeks I've ever had. I spent the better half of it stuffing and sealing envelpoes at work. And all I have to show for it is an office stacked with leftover letters and 4 paper cuts. -_-

I think I'm beginning to grow a bit of an obsession with Postsecret. For those of you who don't know what that is, it's a book containing postcards sent by anonymous people from all over the world who let out their deepest secrets and submit them on a card. Some secrets are really sad, some are cute anf funny, and some are just downright weird. And the cool thing is that there's 3 volumes, so there's more from where book 1 came from! My friend and I decided it would be cool to submit a postcard, but I'm still thinking about what I would write, so let's see.

 In other news, I'm going to the Paramore concert tomorrow! Ahhhh, so freakin' excited. And what's even better?! There's a whole lineup of cool bands perfroming, so I see myself having a seriuos jam session. :)

Speaking of jam session, I CANNOT get "Clumsy" by Fergie out of my head. It's starting to really annoy me, and I don't even like that song. -_-

Oh, and I was at Lincoln Road last weekend and I found RED at Books and Books! I was so excited- my friend's mom bought it and had me autograph it. It felt weird, but waaaay amazing. I took a picture with it, but that will be posted soon. I still have to shrink it and crop it and what-not. Stupid Samsung cams.

And that's all for now. I have some fun pictures to show you all, and that will be next blog. Until then, have fun, stay fly and have a nice weekend! :)

ps. please excuse the random transition from subject to subject. This is due to a lack of time and proper brain flow, since it's 9 in the morning and I have many things to to. ha.

always,

Ah, Friday. Why am I sitting at workkkm@!# @DS

Sorry. Had to get that out.

So yea, Thanksgiving was goood. Less people came over than I thought, but it was still a fun night. I took a bazillion pictures- most of them consisting of my adorable baby nephew- and everyone ate tons. How was everyone elses?

There's really not much behind this blog..just felt like wishing everyone a happy unThanksgiving, since I didn't post yesterday.:p Hope everyone has a fantabulous Friday!

<3

 I hate to talk about something like this here because I usualy keep these sort of things to myself, but today just feels like a different day.

Exactly one year ago, my friend Jesus passed away from cancer. Everytime i think about that afternoon in class, just sitting at my desk and letting the tears fall, I get the urge to tear up again. I'm not really good at coping with a loss, no matter what it is; this one just hurt extra because he was someone I grew up with.  I think the part that hurts the most is that I was naive enough to believe some of the things he would tell me. i remember chatting with him online one night and he was ranting on about how excited he was that he was in California, recording his demo tape. He always aspired to be a recording artist, so of course I was happy for him. With him, conversation just flowed. I didn't have to think about what we would talk about- it just came to us. He was a part of some of the best years of my life; the weekends at his lake with our crew, the movie nights, sneaking in and out of my friend's house so we could all hang out by his dock late at night and just talk crap, gosh I miss it. Though I try not to think about it, i miss it so much. My carefree years.

The night of the service, his mother was telling me how he was ashamed to tell his friends that he spent weeks at a time in the hospital, so he would tell us that he was on vacation in Cali. He didn't want us to pity him- he didn't want the worry. To this day, I kick myself in the ass for not sticking by him as much as I should've- i just didn't know he was going through so much. Though it makes me sad to have to realize that he's gone, I know he would've made fun of me to no end for being so emotional. It's hard though, you know?

I feel like today's gonna be a long day. I know i'm gonna be thinking about this until i go to bed. But a part of me also feels that he's gonna help me get through today. I just hope he still knows that i love him and i'm sorry.He used to call me his sister- and he will forever be my brother, in my mind and heart.  The day is beautiful because he's lingering in the clouds, smiling down on all of us. :)

<3