She's No Saint..

But she'll take you to your knees.

10-20 years from now..

Im expecting alot to be different. Im also expecting to look back on right now, this very moment, and miss it so much. Im anticipating hating being an adult. I don't want to grow up! I want to be like Peter Pan and be 16 forever. In fact, I think that Peter Pan may just be my hero.. I know a few things I will enjoy though. Ill be on my own, not very dependent on anybody. Maybe Ill have figured out if I want kids yet. :] Or even a husband.. Ill have experienced alot of life, even though I think Ive lived alot in the last 16 years. I know that one day Ill be flipping through the channels and Ill happen upon Spongebob and Ill tell my (maybe) kids that 'I remember when this first aired.' And they'll roll their little eyes. Ill stop on some random channel because I hear someone mention Victoria Newman (anybody else watch The Young and The Restless?) and Ill think, I remember when she was in a coma.
 Im afraid that Im going to live as an adult missing my childhood. Like when someone you love dies, everything reminds you of them. And you'll burst out crying when you see their favorite book in the bookstore. Im scared that Ill hear music from Across the Universe and remember the first time I watched it with my best friends. Im scared that when I grow up, Im going to mourn my childhood. Like it was something I lost. Or something that I didn't quite finish living. Which is why I feel really determined to live it to the fullest. But Im not sure how I can do that. How can you fit everything in that you want to do before you turn 20? Or 30? How can you even begin to make that list, much less complete it? Most of all, I feel overwhelmed by the future. What am I going to do with my life? Will I be successful? Am I going to waste away my days in a corner office doing meticulous work? I can say that I refuse to do that now, but what happens when its my only choice? When its the difference between home or homeless? I don't want my life to be meticulous, or annoying, or lifeless. I don't want to hate life. But how can I know how to prevent that? How can I know what Ill want in 20 years? All these things, this is why I don't think about it. Because when I do, it gets out of control and ridiculous. How am I suppose to really live my teenage years when Im stuck in the future?



jordynt said:

I feel like everything I will miss and feel painfully nostalgic about regarding the time I consider my childhood are all the things I already miss and feel nostalgic about. But everytime I go back to what my grandma calls my old stomping grounds, I don't have to miss it anymore because I'm back home and even though I'm 18 I still get together with my friends and with my cousins and act like a 10 year old again.

I'm excited for whatever comes next.

April 18, 2008 4:31 PM