She's No Saint..

But she'll take you to your knees.
  • I live in Procrastination Nation. [Edit.]

     Here is my To Do List:

    *Do Laundry
    *Call Mom
    *Call Job Shadow
    (Im not doing that unless I have to.)
    *Math Homework
    *English Essay plus Oral Report
    *US History Essay plue Oral Report
    *Figure out my Drama Costume

    And now I'm just procrastinating. Yay! That should be on my list. I even have so much to do that I had to make a list to do it! It's stressing me out.. I'll post soon. Later. :E

    The last two I don't really have to do right this very minute. But they're still there. Annnnnd. There's a new one.

    *Watch Twilight.
    STILL have not seen it. Even though I work there. And even though it's readily available to me. Oh well. So does anyone else watch the Young and the Restless? Well, I'm sure I've told you guys before, me and my mom watch it regularly. And I'm watching it right now. Victor is going to kill Adam. :P And Sharon is going to kill Nick and Phyllis' marriage. And Noah is going to kill Sharon via heart attack because he's an intensely stupid kid. And it always amazes me that ALL of these people are connected by a.)blood. b.)marriage. c.)long lost sons/mothers/sisters/brothers. How could one city be so crazy? I'm cold. It's cold. I want to go back to Florida. And see my family. And graduate highschool so I can run away to Orlando and go to college. By the way. Does anyone have $30,000 dollars that they want to donate to the 'send Kali to Full Sail' fund? No? That's ok. I don't have an extra 30 grand laying around either. My state has a scholarship that's kind of easy to get, the catch is that you have to go to school in state. So that would just defeat the whole purpose of getting money to go to college if it's not the college you want.
    I guess I'll just have to owe alot of people, alot of money. And I'll have to save up alot of money, for a long time. Jeez, education sucks doesn't it? I wish my uncle would become a millionaire. He said if he did, he'd foot the bill. :]

  • It's been too long.

    It's been a long time since I've been on. It's been a long time since I've even THOUGHT about red, but it's been difficult. I really have changed since my essay. And now I realize why I hate it so much, it's not me anymore. It never even felt like me. It felt like someone else wrote it. But when my mom read it, she said it sounded just like me. But it really wasn't. It was messed with, and edited just enough to make it not my own. It was like I gave them the lines and they printed out the script, just in a totally different order. Now I'm not that sad little girl anymore who just about had a break down when somebody called me names or stared. Now I'm the girl who almost broke a kids phone for trying to take pictures. Because, dude, that is so last year. I'm the girl who just blatantly told a boy that I have a thing for him. Because writing it on your pants is so sixth grade. And its ok. Because, like alot of things in my life, it really is ok.

    Work: My general manager got fired yeah.. it's so intense. Apparently, and I put this whole story together through all the different parts I heard, he tried to rape one of the other managers awhile back and she tried to sue him but our corporate office kept denying it so it never went through. His brother who was also a manager at the time apparently walked in on it or something and tried to stop him and got a nice punch in the face so he quit because he was just like 'screw that'. Our corporate dude promised my GM that he wouldn't lose his job over the whole situation but, sadly, someone found out about the whole scandal and both my GM and corporate dude lost their jobs for it. Now we have these crappy people filling in until we find a new GM and they are just horrible. They're looking for everything that we are doing wrong and letting us know that we are doing it wrong. Even though this is the way we've been led to believe is correct for awhile now. And they're making us all on edge and angry and more than half of us want to just quit right now because it might not be worth trying to get used to someone else.

    School: It's too easy. I feel bored. I feel like I've done all of this before. I'm barely applying myself and I'm hardly even trying. I don't really care about much of it. My econ class. Right now we're doing interviews and resumes. I've already done that. Algebra two. My teacher sucks. She can't teach and I can't learn from her. U.S. History. I've heard it all before. I really have no interest in it. At all. Choir. One of the best classes. I had it last year but I'm learning alot more this year. And we are way better this year anyway. And I got section leader. English three. We do nothing but read. I get bored. I can't stand it. Drama. Second best. Had it last year. Doing better this year. But all of the kids in it suck. And they seem to think that Alice in Wonderland needs to have half the cast have horrible British accents that just don't work. I'm the Duchess. Spanish two. Can't speak spanish. Can't learn it. Don't want to learn it. Don't even need to take it. I might just drop it next semester. Freshman Transition Class. I'm the JC (Junior Counselor). There used to be one other one who was a Senior but she left so now it's just me! She was holding me back anyway..

    Sorry for being so distant. :] I'll be around more often now. (Hopefully.) ;)

  • I believe I gained some wisdom.

    I got my wisdom teeth stolen on Monday. It was all fine and dandy for awhile. They gave me laughing gas that made me feel that floaty, spinny feeling. Then they gave me medicine in my IV to make me 'sleepy'. Yeah, screw that. It made me sleep. I wasnt expecting to sleep. I was expecting to be totally awake yet unaware. So when I woke up, I totally freaked out and was crying and hyperventilating and stuff. So yeah. Now I miss crunchy food. I miss my mouth not tasting funny. I miss being able to talk normally. But all together, its not horrible. Just unfortunate.

    More things that are ok:
    Sleeping in.
    Staying up late.
    Not brushing your teeth for a few days. (Trust me, we all do it.)
    Laughing at other peoples demise.
    Not knowing some things.
    Complaining. Alot.

    Posted Jul 09 2008, 09:52 PM by kalim with no comments
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  • One day this will make you proud.

    So I was very perseptive last night. Whatever that means.. I was thinking about when I was little, I wouldnt let any part of my body go over the edge of my bed, like my feet or arms or whatever. Because if I did, the monsters under my bed would reach up and grab me and pull me under. And Ive been thinking, theres a lot of things in our lives that we think we cant do or that arent acceptable to society these days. But in reality, its ok.  
    Its ok to sing in public, it makes it better when people get irritated with you.
    Its ok for boys to somehow know that you like them, and then point it out to you.
    Its ok to do things that are bad for you sometimes.
    Its ok to wear high heels with clothes that dont match.
    Its ok to be indecisive.
    Its ok to stay at work for hours when your not even working.
    Its ok to listen to the Mormons that come to your house sometimes.
    Its ok to eat tons of chocolate days before your getting teeth pulled.
    Its ok to buy things for yourself sometimes.
    Its ok to sleep in on your days off.
    Its ok to be ok with your body.
    Its ok to go see a movie by yourself.
    Its ok to be alone.

    So I challenge you guys, just like Jordyn challenged us to make a list of things that make us happy. Make a list of things that are ok.


    Posted Jul 03 2008, 12:22 PM by kalim with 1 comment(s)
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  • Exit Here.

    This book, by Jason Myers, was absolutely amazing. At the beginning, I wasn't really sure how good it was going to be. It seemed like those stories you write when your little, with excruciating detail and bad descriptions. But in actuality, it was perfect. Everything was so real and so raw. The main character, Travis Wayne, is the son of the guy that owns like half of the city. He's one of those 'perfect' characters that no one likes, but he's not. He fights his father throughout the whole book and learns alot about how amazingly screwed up his life really is. Lets be honest, I suck at book reviews, but as for a recommendation, this book is totally worth it. 

  • My one hundred happies.

    This will be amazing, seeing as how there are alot of things making me UNhappy right now.

    1. Maxamillion. He is ah-mazing.
    2. Driving with my music up really loud.
    3. Goodbye Elliot. They are ah-mazing.
    4. Riding in the car with Cameron.
    5. Seeing my baby cousin and hearing him talk.
    6. Music lyrics that mean something.
    7. Feeling important.
    8. Staying up late.
    9. Waking up early. Suprisingly, once Im up Im happy.
    10. Getting off work early enough to see my family.
    11. They're great.
    12. They're fabulous.
    13. Snow.
    14. Swimming.
    15. Buying Earth Day shirts.
    16. Babies.
    17. Books that are completely not mainstream and are all about the tragic lives of teenagers.
    18. Overcoming my shyness and talking to the bands at the last show.
    19. Kyle and the other guy from Hazel and Vine who taught me the hand hug.
    20. Notes and pages of song lyrics from Erica.
    21. Texts from Erica that have song lyrics so that I can finish them and then we tell eachother "I love you."
    22. When people share in the tortures of my job, even when they dont even work there. Atleast they care.
    23. Dreams.
    24. Having conversations with people on the desks at school.
    25. My old biology teacher.
    26. Texting.
    27. Typing.
    28. Writing.
    29. Listening to music.
    30. Reading.
    31. Doing the whole internet thing.
    32. Hardcore dancing.
    33. Singing.
    34. The Warehouse.
    35. Seeing people come into the movies.
    36. The preview for Pineapple Express.
    37. Christian.
    38. Indie films on IFC that are totally bizzare.
    39. Fuse.
    40. Chris and Johnny Stimac. They are amazing musicians and singers. Not to mention amazing people.
    41. Remembering my childhood.
    42. Sleeping.
    43. Dozing.
    44. Writing a good story.
    45. My plans for after high school.
    46. Late night TV.
    47. New songs that are world changing.
    48. Maxamillion cared today, that meant alot.
    49. His name is not Maxamillion, but Im gonna call him that. That DOES count as a happy people.
    50. Taco Bell.
    51. Wendy's Frosty Shakes.
    52. Sugar-Free Rockstars.
    53. Standing front row at a show.
    54. Knowing when a band will suck and not listening to the suck.
    55. Deep conversations.
    56. Pretty eyed boys.
    57. Useless facts.
    58. Cereal.
    59. Going out to breakfast with my dad.
    60. Screamy music that used to scare me.
    61. The guy at the resturant my dad and me always go to for breakfast. Hes nice.
    62. Victim Effect.
    63. Acrostic Poems.
    64. Im a Junior.
    65. My car.
    66. Being completely happy.
    67. Josh got fired.
    68. My shirt that says, 'Green is the new Black.'
    69. New people.
    70. Twilight is coming out in December.
    71. Buying things online.
    72. Having money.
    73. Getting my paycheck.
    74. Sami.
    75. Incubus.
    76. Panic at the Disco.
    77. Catchy songs.
    78. The Beatles.
    79. Across the Universe.
    80. Doing things right.
    81. Erica.
    82. Sticking up for myself.
    83. The Spill Canvas.
    84. Spontaneous things.
    85. Adventures.
    86. When your at a sleepover and everyone is going to sleep and its really quiet and your the only one still awake.
    87. Coffee.
    88. Ice Cream.
    89. Chocolate.
    90. Ben Barnes.
    91. Driving at night when nobody's around.
    92. Optimistic people.
    93. Myspace surveys.
    94. Music Videos.
    95. The song, Handlebars by Flobots.
    96. The name Max.
    97. Jim Sturgess.
    98. Joe Anderson.
    99. Move Quotes.
    100. Accents.

    Oh my.
    I did it! That is quite amazing. :]

  • My life?

    Everybodys always spending their high school years figuring out what they're going to do. What college am I going to? What classes will I take? What do I need to pass to get into this college? I've decided something, I dont know what Im going to do. I dont know what college I want to go to. And I really dont care. I dont have a problem with not knowing where Im going anymore. I used to feel panicked about it, I was so worried about knowing what was going to happen. But now I know that I dont know and I dont care. Maybe Ill go to college right after school, maybe Ill run away for awhile. Maybe Ill get a high paying job. Maybe Ill just adventure through my life. Thats pretty ok.

  • March 12th was an extremely busy day for me.

    I had a play to do that night, you see. So I had to be in all my classes, all day. So, pondering this on the way to school, I wasnt necessarily paying attention and I, well, I kinda hit a truck..
    Yes, the 'literary genius', honor roll kid got in a car accident. Totaled my car, got hecka whiplash, and the other car was just alittle bent. So instead of being in all my classes, I was in none. But I still got to perform, thats all I really cared about. Until they towed my poor car away. :[ I cried. That is all for now, just figured Id tell you guys that I attempted to hurt a truck three times bigger than my poor car.

  • I know what I am not.

    I am not a fighter. But I am not a lover either. I don't make waves unless its necessary and I don't make problems unless someone is being wronged.
    I am not an environmentalist. But I want to save the world. I want to spread the love if you will.
    I am not a pothead. But I am sort of a hippie I suppose. Peace?
    I am not optimistic. I am a cynic. I think some people are disturbed by my view of the world, especially since I haven't had that much time to live it.
    I am not pessimistic. I am realistic.
    I am not the favorite. I am at the end of the line. The last one standing. The shadow in the dark.
    I am not the best friend. I am just the one that is always there.
    I am not famous. I am just known.
    I am not brave. I am scared to death. Of life. Of love. Of the future. Of the past.
    I am not healthy. But I am living.
    I am not a straight A student. I am just one of those kids that try.
    I am not someone who knows where Im going. But I am someone who knows what I want.
    I am not someone who will hurt someone. But I am someone who will live my life for me. Not you.
    I am not smart. I am someone who has common sense.
    I am not a believer. I am someone who just lives.
    I am not a writer. I am the person who writes what they feel.
    I am not a poet. I am the person who knows how to use words to their fullest.
    I am never the girl who is missed, mentioned, or thought of.
    I am never the prettiest girl in the room. But I am the one you remember.

  • 10-20 years from now..

    Im expecting alot to be different. Im also expecting to look back on right now, this very moment, and miss it so much. Im anticipating hating being an adult. I don't want to grow up! I want to be like Peter Pan and be 16 forever. In fact, I think that Peter Pan may just be my hero.. I know a few things I will enjoy though. Ill be on my own, not very dependent on anybody. Maybe Ill have figured out if I want kids yet. :] Or even a husband.. Ill have experienced alot of life, even though I think Ive lived alot in the last 16 years. I know that one day Ill be flipping through the channels and Ill happen upon Spongebob and Ill tell my (maybe) kids that 'I remember when this first aired.' And they'll roll their little eyes. Ill stop on some random channel because I hear someone mention Victoria Newman (anybody else watch The Young and The Restless?) and Ill think, I remember when she was in a coma.
     Im afraid that Im going to live as an adult missing my childhood. Like when someone you love dies, everything reminds you of them. And you'll burst out crying when you see their favorite book in the bookstore. Im scared that Ill hear music from Across the Universe and remember the first time I watched it with my best friends. Im scared that when I grow up, Im going to mourn my childhood. Like it was something I lost. Or something that I didn't quite finish living. Which is why I feel really determined to live it to the fullest. But Im not sure how I can do that. How can you fit everything in that you want to do before you turn 20? Or 30? How can you even begin to make that list, much less complete it? Most of all, I feel overwhelmed by the future. What am I going to do with my life? Will I be successful? Am I going to waste away my days in a corner office doing meticulous work? I can say that I refuse to do that now, but what happens when its my only choice? When its the difference between home or homeless? I don't want my life to be meticulous, or annoying, or lifeless. I don't want to hate life. But how can I know how to prevent that? How can I know what Ill want in 20 years? All these things, this is why I don't think about it. Because when I do, it gets out of control and ridiculous. How am I suppose to really live my teenage years when Im stuck in the future?

  • Small Animals?

    First off, anyone see the video of the US soldier throwing a puppy over a cliff?? Whaaaat is the point, and whyyyy would you even think about doing that? Its like, a foot long little thing, and he cant do anything to defend himself. So why? Their not sure if they video is real yet but if you want to watch it (I wouldnt recommend it but if you want to) go here. Make sure to sign the petition too.
    Second, this is very depressing and horribly contrasts to what happened above but this morning, driving to school, a bird ran out in front of my and I sorta kinda accidently hit it. But, it was just so fast and seriously ran right out in front of me. DEFINANTLY not intentional. I was like "NO!" Because, seriously? What a horrible way to start you morning. I guess it just happens..
    Now, my aunt and uncle have had this dog for like, almost as long as Ive been living. He was fourteen and my mom told me that he died.. :[ Sadness. He was like the oldest dog in history though so Id like to say that he out lived himself... So..

  • Oh the freedom.

    Despite the fact that there was a HUGE storm last weekend, (Not really) I have gotten my license. :] The story goes like this.
    3 weeks ago, I had an appointment scheduled at the closest DMV to my town. Me and my mom went in to do it and they said that the weather was too bad, road conditions suck, blah blah blah. It was stupid. So I had to reschedule it for yesterday at a different DMV because I am so sick of the other one. (Dont even get me started about my permit.) And so we actually got to do it yesterday. And I passed with an 83%. Which actually is like just barely passing your last final in school. Seriously. Passing grade is 80% and up. So just think about it. I was 3% away from failing. Mannn. Nifty. Anyway. I love driving alone so much. Its just, so free! :] You dont have to worry about about mom or dad in the seat next to you pressing their foot to the invisible brake pedal on the floor. Its just great. I love it. But you know, theres a disadvantage too. Ive only have it for two days and then today after school, my friend knew I wasnt alowed to do it but still he asked, "Kali can I have a ride." I was like "Uhh. No." Im not looking forward to having people do that. But oh well. Thats what I get for being one of the first of my friends to get it.
    Now, I have to get a job now that I have this new found freedom. So Ive been applying. And applying. And looking. And looking. But nobody will give me a job. What am I supposed to do? I have to pay for half of my insurance. I have to pay back my grandparents for buying me the car. I have to buy my own gas. I have to pay for a lot of stuff. But I dont have a job. So Ive considered learning some songs and sitting on the corner of the street and play my guitar. If Im good enough I should get some money right? Just kidding. But I dont know. Gonna have to keep searching I guess...
    Anyone seen the new commercials for TRUTH? The ones about cigarette facts and stuff. They came up with new ones, they're really kinda weird. I didnt really understand them at first and then my brother told me that they made the commercials like that to show that tobacco companies make cigarettes and such appear appealing to children so thats what they are doing with their commercials, kinda to get kids to watch them. But they're a little freaky..
    Anyway. I guess Im done now.
    Bye bye.

    Posted Feb 26 2008, 03:02 PM by kalim with 1 comment(s)
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  • Anybody who can help. -GSA-

    My school board has deemed the GSA at my school over. They say that there is "No room for a GSA at DHS." My friends are livid, my mom is livid. Me and my mom have done our research and have found that we are within our legal rights to have a GSA at our school. If anybody has experience with this, please let me know. My email is PLEASE email me if you have any information or anything that could help me and my friends.

    Posted Feb 04 2008, 06:38 PM by kalim with 3 comment(s)
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  • This ones for Alaska Young!

    Despite the fact that she is a fictional character. And despite the fact the she died at 3 am on my birthday. I love her. I love her, my crooked neighbor with all my crooked heart. Better yet. I love John Green, and The Colonel, and Takumi, and especially Pudge. I. Love. This. Book. It makes me want to write about last words, and the labrynth of suffering, and white lilies, and high school pranks. It is most definantly the root of all my inspiration.



    That is all. :] 

  • Heath Ledger??

    So I didnt even know who he was. And then my friend texted me and was like "Heath Ledger died." So I looked it up and apparently hes the one from Brokeback Mountain. Which Ive never seen before. And in the movie, theres Jake Gyllinghal (however you spell his name). So now I wanna watch Brokeback Mountain. :]

    Thats all for now..
    Oh yeah! Did I tell you guys about our GSA at my school? Well we didnt get approved for our posters. They were deemed to be "negative" and we were told to get the word out by simply telling people. Augh. Its so annoying. And now its Courtwarming week and all of the hallways at our school are all dressed up in certain themes and Im really mad because we cant have pretty colorful posters promoting tolerance among gays but they can put stuff in the hallways however they wish? Mad.

    Posted Jan 22 2008, 05:39 PM by kalim with no comments
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