amylicious!

I write to you now from the beautiful Huntingdon, Pennsylvania. I'm about nine to ten hours from home, where I grew up, where I've lived my whole ilfe, where most of my friends remain. Is it hard? Oh yeah, it's hard. And I've only been here two days! After my parents left on Friday, I spent time setting up my room, meeting with my CWS group (a hilarious bunch — I'm looking forward to that class this year), went to dinner with my roommate and her already-large group of friends (how does she do it? I wonder), and skipped out on some other festivities that evening (a book discussion on the summer reading, a party over at Tussey and Terrace) so that I could finish unpacking and setting up my space, then curl up in bed and cry, talk to a few friends online, cry some more. It was tough. People tell you that you'll be homesick, that you won't be the only one — I wonder if anyone else is as homesick as I am?

Luckily yesterday, my crying was minimal. I got up, got pancakes with my roomie, took this lame freshman survey, and then lounged in my room until lunch time. I mostly just wanted to be alone, cried a little, but then decided that if I'm going to mope and wallow, I might as well be productive — so I got out my novel and proceeded to continue with revisions. My roomie and her friends came back around noon and I left to go eat lunch with them. Our CWS groups met up again, this time about this tree project we're doing — our entire class (as in class of 2012) is planting a tree, whoo. We walked out to the tree orchard they've got going, roamed around while we wondered what it was we were supposed to be doing, then walked out to the Peace Chapel — which is nice, yes, but it was incredibly hot and thus we all became very grimy, sweaty, icky. After that, I went back to my room to change and chill and read before "dinner with the student government" (which I assume meant that they just paid for it — because nobody from student government made themselves known at dinner, haha). I went by myself and made myself be friendly and ask someone else if I could sit with them — and the two people I chose ended up being so supernice and wonderful and they schooled me on Western Pennsylvanian slang and wondered why I don't have a Kentucky accent and I hung out with them and a big group of people that they know the rest of the night. I felt special, knowing that if I put my mind to it I can actually make friends.

Of course, what am I doing now? Sitting up in my room on Sunday morning writing this (though I did take a quick break to go with my roomie to the Help Desk and then to "brunch" which consisted of pasta and pizza — delicious, right?). My roomie and I are taking a shuttle to Wal-Mart later this afternoon so that we can buy a bookshelf and one or two more power strips. Honestly, we have a wonderfully large room, lots of closet space — but shelf-space is incredibly minimal! We each have a shelf in our closet and that's it! So a bookshelf will be wonderful for, you know, books, as well as our TV and DVD which we have yet to set up (though last night we found the cable hook-up! Yay!). But until then, I kind of just want to chill in my (finally cooled-down) room and work on my novel revisions a little more and perhaps read a bit, too. People have told me that it's important to get out, make friends, socialize — but I think my peace of mind requires this alone-time. And peace of mind is something I plan on keeping this year, especially now when I need it most.

Classes start tomorrow. I'm excited.

It makes me believe in hope, love, magic, beauty, dreams.

Yesterday (though it still feels like a today to me) I went to Bloomington, Indiana, with Michelle. We went for the Unlimited Enthusiasm Expo, with Math the Band, Uncle Monsterface, and Harry and the Potters (and an extra band, called Good Luck). I just finished writing my post-show e-mail to Harry and the Potters — what can I say? It's tradition.

Usually, I write thanking them for the amazing show, say something... I don't know. I think it's just basically an extended thank you for omg so much wonderfulness and omg I loved it so much and omg omg omg! (I get weird, okay? But that's nothing new. And I don't think I usually put in that many, if any, "omg"s, but I probably sound pretty silly nonetheless.) This time, though, I got sort of personal. It's probably weirder, and creepier (I am sort of a creep though — this is my sixth wizard rock show, sixth since seeing them for the first time in August 2005 — seriously, can you say obsessive obsessive obsessive? I freak myself out a lot when I think about this too much), and all sorts of unnecessary. But tonight's show was different than past shows. Tonight's show was something I can really, truly, actually call an experience.

Here's the e-mail that I sent to them:

Hey guys,

Yeah, I guess I'm keeping the tradition of e-mailing you all post-show and thanking you for the amazing time, even if you didn't come to Kentucky this year — the excursion to Bloomington was way worth it. :)

This show was the most uplifting experience of my entire summer, I think. Michelle and I played a show (as The Wands, yay!) with a few other bands on July 21st, and it was beautiful, fantastic, amazing, etc. But something about attending this Unlimited Enthusiasm Expo, my sixth (ghfuijsk I feel so obsessive and creepy, haha) Harry and the Potters Show, and just absolutely losing it and dancing and rocking and singing and shouting — it all opened my eyes and my heart so much to the fact that this, this is how I want to feel every day, and that it's not too hard to get to that feeling.

I had told Paul that I wrote my college essay last year about wizard rock and Harry and the Potters — actually, after the show in Louisville last July, I went home, stayed up for a few hours just writing and writing, putting together what would end up that essay. The final product was all about how wizard rock started off as fangirlish obsession but it's turned into so much more. It's become a way to connect with people, to really express myself with the help of and through music, to discover confidence and push away insecurities. Tonight helped me see that all of this, all of what I find in wizard rock music and shows, is strengthening. I can truly say that I had a blast and that it was the most fun I've had in so long. So many smiles and laughs and crazy dances. Really, I don't think I've ever danced like that before at a show or with friends or anything. It felt so good to forget about any worries or frustrations that might have been on my mind, and to simply have fun. This is what wizard rock does for me, and I'm just glad that I've had the opportunity to experience and be a part of all of it.

I think I found my unlimited enthusiasm, and yeah, I plan to hold onto it.

Thanks again for the wonderful show :)
-Amy


Sitting in the car tonight, making our way back home from Bloomington, Michelle was sleeping and I couldn't stop thinking about what I had written in my college essay last year, how true it was, how truer (more true? truer? I like truer.) it is now. But I'm rereading it and thinking that as amazing as it was to experience such happiness and to write such an essay a year ago, the obsession part is now less, and the confidence/self-esteem/life-altering part has grown tremendously.

I can confirm that wizard rock is not just a fangirlish obsession. It's something that helps me find confidence in through that which that I've grown to love and adore and cherish. It's something that lifts my self-esteem, something that allows me to give all of myself to happiness and rhythm and smiles and nerdiness.

Tonight's show in Bloomington was the most magical show yet (sixth one for me, like I said before, my goodness — yes, you can still say obsession, because it's still too, too accurate). When Harry and the Potters finally came on, I was shouting, dancing, laughing, everything. And when I say dancing, I don't just mean the silly self-conscious moving-back-and-forth-a-little-bit thing that I usually do (and that I mostly did for the bands beforehand — Uncle Monsterface saw a little extra, I think, but the others — the ones unfamiliar to me — were a bit jipped, I'm sorry to say). No, I mean dancing, actually shaking and moving and jumping and losing myself in the fun and the music and the sheer joy emanating from the crowd and the band.

These past few weeks, I had been wondering if it was worth all of the effort in trying to set up the plans to make it to first Cleveland and then to Bloomington, trying to figure out times and whos and whens and whats. But it was, is, all worth it. One bit from my essay still applies all too much to my current self: that at a wizard rock show, you'll see a side of me that doesn't seem to exist anywhere else. At a wizard rock show, insecurities fall away, self-esteem lifts, happiness overcomes nervousness. At a wizard rock show, I find what it is I constantly search for: the beauty of life. Nothing in life is more beautiful than finding something to love, something to hold onto — and, most of all, finding out what makes you you, what makes you run, what makes you tick, what makes you continue on day-to-day smiling and laughing and breathing.

Over the past four years, the past three years, two, one, I've gone through the ups and downs that every teenager experiences. I can see the awkwardness of freshman year, of trying to find out where I belonged, who I really clicked with, what kind of person I was; the drop in sophomore year of becoming so intensely dependent on friends that the slightest change could set me off into sob-fests and anger-sprees, into freak-outs that nobody, not even I, understood; to junior year, in which I fell apart, found help, and began to find out that my friends weren't who I was, that my classmates (yeah, even the people I'd gone to school with since sixth grade) weren't scary; and finally senior year, the year in which I think I grew the most, because it was the year I realized that presentations in class aren't scary, that I can meet and talk to people and not be scared, that I can perform songs in front of an audience and smile all the way through, that I can simply survive reading a piece of some of the post personal things I've ever written.

That sophomore year was the year Michelle and I first started writing songs as The Wands, and then later as The Ancient Inanimate Objects (the first version of The Literatures, in which we wrote songs about Shakespeare's Julius Caesar). It was a tough year, but that was the year that I saw Harry and the Potters three times — the week before school started, once in March, and then the next time a month later. I was discovering that, no matter what was going on at the time with me, I was shaking and dancing a little bit more at each show, and that it always put a tremendous smile on my face for longer and longer periods of time. In fact, it was the night of that April show that Michelle and I, back at my house, wrote and recorded all of those Julius Caesar songs. (Our Eulogy for Caesar is still our favorite.)

Junior year, we had to write a speech for english and then read it to the class. I... we won't go into what happened. But let's just say that confidence levels and self-esteem didn't exactly make it out to be an easy task. But when Michelle and I sang to our classmates a few of the songs we'd written about our summer reading books, my teacher came up to me in the hallway and told me that he loved the songs and he was just so amazed at the fact that in class, I'm so shy and scared, but when it came to the singing and music, I suddenly opened up and seemed to become a whole 'nother person. I wasn't so sure I understood that back then, but now, I can see what he meant. Senior year, I became able to do group presentations for english, as well as read aloud pieces I wrote. This whole crazy wizard and book rock thing that Michelle and I took part it became a way to prove to myself that I can be good at this, I can be good at writing and sharing this writing with others, I can be good at making music and having fun with music, I can be good at so much if I just put my mind to it. If I can keep a positive outlook, if I can tell myself, "You can do it!" instead of beating myself down — then sheesh. I can do just about anything.

Tonight's show? Just another step — a huge step, though — that shows me how far I've come. Because even a year ago, at the show that inspired the college essay that introduced Mr. Liimatta to wizard rock and caused me to burn him lots of CDs only to lead me to writing about "Save Ginny Weasley" for the music research paper — even at that show, I didn't dance as much, I didn't shout so much, I didn't exert as much energy. Tonight was proof that this positive outlook and this music adoration and this, this life is what I'm living for.

Yeah. I'm living for life. I'm living to experience life and all that comes with it. Do I really need any other reason?

I should feel terrible for my lack of blogging on here this summer.

But then I think about everything I could have written about. And. Um. There's not a whole lot.

Let's see. I last blogged on June 25th. Sheesh! So long!

What's happened since then?

Not a whole darn lot.

I've gone to the drive-in twice more — the first time, at the beginning of June, was for Indiana Jones and Iron Man — and these other two times were for WALL•E, and then The Dark Knight and Get Smart. I enjoyed them all.

I've become addicted to a soap opera, of all things. I now watch As The World Turns every day (unless, of course, I'm lucky enough to have a life and be out of the house!). I totally hate Holden, and absolutely love Luke and Noah. Janet annoyed me at first but now I think she is just fabulous. Casey is a major hottie and I don't see why people are disgusted by him and Emily being together. But then again, I only started watching late last month. ...but anyway. Every time I tell somebody I'm into a soap opera, they ask me what's going on in it. I explain and we laugh. So epic.

I've had a few freakouts, I guess. Nostalgia-attacks, summer blues, stuff like that. But I get over them fairly quickly.

I've read books. Since the summer started I've read Bigfoot: I Not Dead, The Master and Margarita, all three Twilight books, Dress Your Family In Corduroy and Denim, Love in the Time of Cholera, Complications, Maps and Legends, and Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist. I am currently working on Watchmen. Reading is such a nice escape from the confines of the internet and television. Seriously, I just went this past week without having any books to read. Going to the library to check out a few was like a much-needed vacation. I started Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist last night and just devoured it — a pretty quick read, and so I wouldn't go to bed until I was finished.

I got my wisdom teeth out last Thursday. Not a bad experience, actually. I was knocked out for the whole surgery, and by the end of the day I was only a little sore and incredibly drooly. The next day, I ate (well, nibbled at) a ham and cheese sandwich for lunch. Today, I went in for my post-op follow-up and they said that I am healing up wonderfully. Joy!

I took the bus for the first time by myself to get downtown. It was an adventure.

My wizard rock band The Wands played our second wizard rock show this past Monday with The Remus Lupins, The Whomping Willows, Justin Finch-Fletchley and the Sugar Quills, The Mudbloods, and Wild Magic. We also watched The Wizard Rockumentary. Wizard rock is such a beautiful thing! It never fails to cheer me up, I promise you. I am pumped for Harry and the Potters next month, even if they aren't coming to Kentucky.

This summer has been pretty chill and boring. A part of me is so ready to run off to college and be swept away in schoolwork and meeting new people. A part of me isn't ready for that. But since it's inevitable, I try my best to ignore that second part of me.

Maybe when school starts I'll blog more. Goodness knows I'll finally have stuff to talk about!

This is seriously, like, the weirdest summer ever.

On Monday, I was listening to Spring Awakening and by the middle of the soundtrack I was honestly crying. Then I got really crazy and went to watch Spring Awakening videos on YouTube and I watched clips from Lea Michele and Jonathan Groff's final performance and was just absolutely in fits. Geez Louise!

Yesterday, in Dairy Queen, the radio overhead played Backstreet Boys' "As Long As You Love Me," and I was in a freaky BSB-mindset all the rest of the night. Then this morning, checking my LiveJournal friends page, there was a link to a photo gallery of the Backstreet Boys Then and Now or something of that nature. And now, after putting my iPod on shuffle, BSB randomly came on and so of course I have to listen to tons of them right now — and oh my god. I am seriously so close to bawling my eyes out. I keep tearing up and smiling and freaking out! I just keep thinking of elementary school and being totally in love with the Backstreet Boys and seeing them in concert twice and being in the seventh row during my first show and it was the most amazing experience ever for a fourth grader ever and oh my gosh you guys Brian is from my hometown like omg!!

...

THIS IS SO WEIRD YOU GUYS.

I am getting so nostalgic and sentimental this summer. It's nutty.

I went to orientation for Juniata last Friday and Saturday and actually talked and had so much fun and made friends and enjoyed every minute of it, even the boring Information Access crap that we all have to put up with! Who would have thought that I could be social with people I don't even know? I talked with my orientation roomie a lot, which was wonderful, and there was a group that I hung out with for most of the day on Friday — we had dinner together and roamed around for a while and chilled. So nice.

Anyway, so one of the surveys we had to fill out for our advisors had a question that was something like "Three random facts about you!" and I actually put, "I still adore the Backstreet Boys." And then when our little groups did some bonding activities (because all of the orientation crowd split into nine smaller groups), we did Two Truths and a Lie or whatever it's called, and I of course had to proclaim my love for BSB. Why am I so strange? Seriously. Lately, it's allll about the boy bands and the 90s and my elementary school days. Whenever Vincent and I get together and go out for a drive or something, I swear we almost always end up listening to some BSB, *NSYNC (but only their first CD), Hanson. I've been meaning to get some 98°, too.

But. Now that you all know I'm so crazy. Let's move on.

I got my schedule for next year, which is exciting. It is currently as follows:

• PC-120 - Astronomy — 12:00 PM to 12:55 PM (MWF)
• HS-104 - European History to 1550 — 2:00 PM to 2:55 PM (MWF)
• HS-109 - ST: The Sixties — 10:30 AM to 11:50 AM (TTh)
• EN - 110 - College Writing Seminar — 1:00 PM to 2:20 PM (TTh)
• IT - 100 - Information Access — 3:00 PM to 3:50 PM (T)

Of course, this is subject to change because of something very exciting that happened.

I was just minding my own business yesterday, playing Solitaire, when I notice that I have another piece of e-mail in my inbox. I click over, see it's from Juniata, read the first line of the e-mail and think, "Oh, maybe it's the results from my French skills assessment test!"

UM. NO.

It was an e-mail in regards to my piece on the Huffington Post, stating that it had been sent around to the politics professors at Juniata, and that one of them has extended an invitation for me to join his "PS 399 02 course on this year’s general election." THAT'S A 300-LEVEL COURSE? FOR A FRESHMEN?! OMG! AND I WAS INVITED TO TAKE IT! Holy crapoli!

Now I've got to e-mail my advisor, ask him his advice, and maybe also e-mail the professor of the course and ask what sort of preparation might I need, what the class entails, etc. If I decide to take it, I'll probably replace Astronomy — I mean, the class will miraculously fit into my schedule, but 18 credits isn't a very smart idea for a freshman. I'll keep you all posted, haha. :)

(And this reminds me, I need to e-mail Mr. Pope about the Huffington Post thing! He's the teacher who gave the speech that inspired what I wrote, after all. Oh man. hdijsfdk. Anyway.)

Lastly, in not-so-nice news, I met with the oral surgeon yesterday morning. I'm getting my wisdom teeth taken out on July 17th. Blech!

Back to the Backstreet Boys, now! See you around, you know, if I'm not blinded by my crazy!tears. Ahaha.

Last week was my last week of high school, and I graduated this past Monday. It was incredibly bittersweet: I was so excited for school to finally, finally be over — but at the same time, I realized that it was the end. I can be one of those kids who complains on and on about high school, what a drag it is, and sing high and low about how happy I am to move on. But truly, high school wasn't as bad as it could have been. No, I had amazing friends throughout the course of the past four years, friends that kept me grounded and drove me crazy, and amazing teachers who made class enjoyable from time to time. To think that now I'm moving on, moving to Pennsylvania — for Juniata College, officially — suddenly, this summer is that much more difficult. Every moment spent with friends is precious and special and blissful, but the moment we part I'm hit in the chest with the feeling that at the end of the summer, it will be a parting that doesn't last just a day, a night — but months. Part of me asks myself, "Why didn't you just stay in Lexington for college?" And I have to remember that I didn't choose college based on where my friends would be, but based on where I thought I'd get a wonderful education and college experience.



But I'm leaving my best friends in the entire world, the people who have helped to open me up and create a world here that I now know that I love. I'm afraid of not being able to keep in touch, regardless of Facebook and Gmail. I'm afraid of going to college and crying every day for a month because I miss them so much. I'm supposed to be excited for college, but the largest part of me is too afraid to care, too afraid to leave. The largest part of me wants this summer to last as long as it possibly can.



I know one thing: I've gotta make the most of this summer. I've gotta hold on tight, but I've also gotta be able to let go. It's onto the next chapter in my life, and I need to find the courage to turn the page.

---

Before I go, a little catch-up from the last entry:

• I turned in my paper about wizard rock and presented to my class, as well. Fifty out of fifty on the presentation, 95% on the paper. Yeah, I think Mr. Liimatta likes wizard rock now :) God knows I do, even if Harry and the Potters doesn't seem to think Kentucky has unlimited enthusiasm this summer.
• Obviously turned down NYU — as I stated above, officially am going to Juniata College. But there's an Amtrak station in Huntingdon, PA, where Juniata is (so random! in the middle of nowhere!), that goes right into New York City, so maybe I'll be able to go to RED events on various weekends or whatever! Go spend the weekend in the cityyyyy. We'll see, haha.
• Since my last entry, I have also done the following: spent three days at the country fair at my church, gone to Pride Prom (hosted by Lexington GSA — Vincent and I were the DJs, haha), gone to Lexington GSA and looked at pictures from Pride Prom, attended the first and second Summer Movie Classics at the Kentucky Theater (the first one being Citizen Kane, with Saskia, and the second one being City Lights, with James and Duffee), and gone to the drive-in over in Winchester for the first time (saw Indiana Jones — which was fun, though maybe a little too fantastical, even for Indiana Jones — and Iron Man — which was AWESOME). A lot of this stuff, I've done with Vincent, too, haha. I think I may be taking advantage of him and his hot Mustang convertible... but pfft. He likes driving. So it's okay. ;)

Last week, I voted for the first time. It was wonderful, ah! I had a bit of a crisis in the voting booth, as John Edwards was still on the ballot and I really, really wanted to vote for him — but I held back and decided that my vote should go towards a candidate who is actually still in the race. So I voted for Obama. But really, at this point I'd be okay with either Obama or Hillary.

On Tuesday, I get to present to my english class the song about which I wrote my research paper. I chose "Save Ginny Weasley" by Harry and the Potters, and boy oh boy is it going to rock so much. I think that Michelle and I are also going to sing a song for our class, as well. I'm just supernervous about getting a good grade, because Mr. Liimatta's told me that he has high hopes for my project. But we'll see.

Last week, I also went to Louisville with Michelle to see Drew Danburry play. He's all kinds of wonderful. But before he played, this guy named Nicholas Megalis performed as well. Oh, be still my heart! Unfortunately, Michelle made her claim to him before I did, so he's her future husband. But still. I can't stop listening to his music. He's amazing, you guys. Amazing.

I only have four more days of school left — and I won't even be attending four whole days, really. Tuesday is the last full day of classes, I am showing up for half of the day on Wednesday, I might stay all day Thursday for we have graduation practice that day, and Friday... who knows. But man oh man. I'm not sure how I feel about the end of high school. Sure, I'm excited, pumped for the next chapter in my life and my education, but I'm really afraid of losing touch with my friends and... well... I think I'm sort of just afraid of growing up. I like being a youngster. I'm not sure I really want to move on.

It doesn't help that NYU still hasn't sent me the financial aid information. So chances are, I'll be rejecting their acceptance offer just because I never received all of the necessary information from them. I only have until June 1st or 2nd to send in a housing deposit, meaning I have about a week left to decide. And I can't even check the mail until Tuesday. Federal holidays suck sometimes.

(It's not like I'm not happy with Juniata. I love Juniata, really. But... NYU. I got into NYU. I could quite possibly attend NYU! How astounding is that?)

I need to get a job.

This is just a list of my life since May 1st. Yeah, there's a week or so missing there since my last update. But that was just a week of school, rehearsal and not enough sleep.

Lists seems pretty darn good to me.

Wednesday, April 30th:
• Urinetown opened. It rocked a lot. We actually pulled it together.

Thursday, May 1st:
• Turned 18.
• Sent off my deposit to Juniata College (and over the next few days, signed up for an orientation, began putting together a tentative schedule for next fall, etc).
• The cast of Urinetown sang Happy Birthday to me.
• Got cake and cannolis.

Friday, May 2nd:
• Woke up with a crazy sore throat and a cough.
• Voice deteriorated, asthma triggered. Am still trying to recover from that, but unfortunately I never seem to have time to rest.

Sunday, May 4th:
• Urinetown ended. Even with my crappy voice, I still managed to sort of sing in the shows. It was actually a total blast.

Wednesday, May 7th:
• Took the AP Calculus exam. Not that bad, I guess.

Thursday, May 8th:
• Ate breakfast at Tolly Ho with a bunch of my classmates, Coach Reed and Mr. Liimatta. Mr. Liimatta is the coolest EVER. He did his chicken and monkey prank noises for us, and when the mayor walked into Tolly Ho (apparently he eats breakfast there, like, every day?), Mr. L asked him to give us a pep talk — and he did! It was fantastic. Somehow, life is always amusing when Mr. Liimatta is around.
• We did the breakfast and pep talk because this morning, I took the AP English Lit exam. I think I did okay. We'll see.
• Mentoring showcase. It was actually supernice. I was smiling throughout all of the presentations. Everybody did such great projects! I'm really proud of my classmates, really really.
• Ate a quick dinner with James, Brian, Saskia and Portia at McDonald's tonight after mentoring. Was amusing. I love my friends.

Friday, May 9th:
• Got into NYU (off the waitlist, baby!), and requested the official acceptance packet and financial aid package. Wouldn't it be cool if they gave me lots of monies? :)
• Went to the Urinetown cast party.
• Did a lot of karaoke and killed my dying voice.

Saturday, May 10th:
• Sat around the house all day, sickly and gross.
• Went to the orchestra pops concert (my final concert :( sad!).
• Got the senior gift, which is a gorgeous and shiny jewelry box (and boys got beer steins, ahah).
• Surprised Mrs Neff with her new podium — which is amazingly beautiful, Mr Reynolds did a fantastic job, seriously.

Sunday, May 11th:
• Sat around the house all day, even more sickly and gross.
• Ate food from Belle Notte that my dad brought from the restaurant, because I felt too crappy to actually go out and eat. I kind of put a damper on mother's day :(

Monday, May 12th:
• Ate breakfast in Mrs Minor's class.
• Taught Newton's Method to my Calculus class.
• Confirmed the notion that I am the suckiest math teacher alive.

Now, I am sitting in the living room, actually in a pretty foul mood. I am still incredibly sick — I thought it was improving, but I think that karaoke on Friday night set it all off again. Now it's to the point where when I sit down from walking around the house for a few minutes, my chest hurts and the coughing only makes it worse and why can't I just get better already, because this has persisted since May 2nd, my god!

I also would like to be reviewing a few topics for my psychology AP exam tomorrow — the one I actually have a chance on — kids, say no to AP Chemistry, unless you're really really smart — but I can't find a quiet place in the house to do so because my mom is in the TV room clacking away on the computer and my sister and her friend are upstairs cackling away in her room (though I asked my dad to tell her no friends until after tomorrow — she'd yell at me if I tell her, and I can't handle it when she yells at me because she never listens, just yells and yells) and no matter where I go I will hear one of these and it will drive me insane. I can handle the faint sounds of kids playing outside, or of neighbors mowing their lawns. But the sounds of the keyboard or of people eating/talking/laughing — I just can't do it. I love how nobody in this house is at all considerate of the girl trying to finish out her senior year of high school.

Tomorrow I will:
• Take (and most likely fail) the Chemistry AP exam.
• Eat lunch in the car.
• Take (and hopefully ace) the Psychology AP exam.
• Die.
• Go to Lexington GSA.

Someday I'll blog about "exciting" things again. Hopefully. If I survive the next two weeks, anyway.

First of all, as Amy G requested: college talk!

Well, more of it anyway.

I'm currently trying to decide between Hampshire College and Juniata College. I'm leaning more for Juniata right now, but sometimes I'll be leaning more for Hampshire. I simply can't make up my mind :/ And to complicate matters, I'll be visiting Transylvania University on Friday because they called me up yesterday and convinced me that I should come and sit in on a class, because I shouldn't rule out going to school in Lexington just because it's in Lexington! Plus, the woman I spoke with was so nice and understanding about the whole "GET OUT OF KENTUCKY" mindset, that I realized hey, I could at least give Transy a fair play (also considering they've given me the nicest financial aid package). Soo. Basically, college is annoying and confusing and yet I still don't even know where I'll be going next year. Rough!

Here's my total list of schools applied to and my status:

• Juniata (accepted)
• Wittenberg (accepted)
• Kenyon (wait-listed)
• University of Kentucky (accepted)
• Transy (accepted)
• Centre (accepted)
• NYU (wait-listed)
• Tufts (rejected)
• Hampshire (accepted)
• Sarah Lawrence (wait-listed)

I am pretty curious about the wait-listed schools, though. Will I get in?! Who knows!

---

And now, pictures from Memphis and Oxford! I promised these, and so I shall deliver :)


Obligatory foot picture. Saskia's foot on the right, mine on the left.


After eating dinner at Rendezvous, we went up to greet the Peabody ducks in their "penthouse" and get group pictures.


My teacher, Mr. Liimatta, climbing over the Mississippi River. COOLEST EVER.


After the big group picture, my little group of friends got our own picture taken :)

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Saskia is a good boy so far.


The next day, we went to hang out in Oxford. First we visited Rowan Oak, William Faulkner's home. SO GORGEOUS THERE, LET ME TELL YOU.

>
When we boarded the bus again, Mr. Liimatta forced us all to smell the wisteria. Except Saskia, who was wearing it in her hair.


We chilled at Faulkner's grave. Mr. Liimatta read sections to us from The Sound And The Fury, and Michelle (my fellow Wand/Literature gal) preached to us the words of Rev. Shegog.


I chilled a little with Faulkner myself, and very much enjoyed the wonderful town of Oxford. Ohhh. It was a marvelous trip.

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I'm headed off to prom this Saturday, which is going to be fun, I hope! I have a pretty dress and I'll be riding in a limo with a few of my friends and it's going to be so wonderful :)

I didn't even really care about prom until January, when some of my classmates were talking about it. I suddenly realized, "Hey. I want to be able to say I went to my senior prom."

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On a final note, I'm registered to vote! And on May 20th, I'll be voting in my state's primary election. Oh, how exciting.

So I just got back from a pretty interesting English trip. We went to Memphis and Oxford, Mississippi (hgfujdksdhsfajk the latter of which was AMAZING). My english teacher, Mr. Liimatta, is fantastic because he played Harry and the Potters for us. Honestly, he planned this amazing trip down to the littlest details — dedication, right? Oh man. Pictures soon, I promise. (I know I've promised pictures for multiple things lately, but I have so many from this trip, that I really can't keep them away.)

My group of friends and I, though, are kind of, um. Discombobulated. And I get the feeling some people are particularly pissed at me because I don't really voice a lot of my concerns/issues/etc., and I kind of avoided some people, or at least it seemed like I was avoiding some people (when really, I just wanted to sit outside and enjoy Oxford some more).

It's pretty scary, actually, that we still have all of this unresolved issues with each other, yet in little over a month it'll all be over. School, that is. High school. We'll be off doing summer activities and then boom! college. I don't even know yet where I'm going to college (Hampshire? Juniata? Somewhere I got waitlisted, like Kenyon or NYU? Of course, this depends on if I end up getting in anyway, I guess).

fhdsiujfksla. This still freaks me out so much. Saskia's going away to Kalamazoo next year, a bunch of my friends are staying in-state, I'll be going who-knows-where but I know it won't be near here. And I'm scared out of my mind at the idea of making new friends. I like my friends. I don't want new friends. Sometimes, I get this overwhelming urge to stay in Lexington just because of my friends — thought I've promised myself (and Saskia) that no decision should be based on this, at least not one as important as the next four years of my life. But honestly, the idea of not having these people, of not having Saskia and Vincent and Brian and Tati and Lauren and James — why do I want to be without the people who have pulled me through high school? I have no way of knowing if I'll make good friends in college, I have no way of knowing how long it'll take me to do so, and I have no way of knowing (and this is what kills me) if I'll keep in touch with my current friends throughout college. At least with high school, I've known that no matter which way I turn, I'll have somebody to lean on and hug and talk to and hang with. But after this summer, I don't know a thing. And I can't stand the thought of not having a glimpse into my future.

I should be working on mentoring because I need to e-mail my mentor. And I need to work on Lit Mag stuff with a friend of mine. And I need to do french. Oh dear. This week is going to be stressful.

(Ahahaha. What a lame title. But that's all that's on my mind, so la!)

After spending most of the week in the brown, wet northeast, imagine my surprise when I arrive home to find it green. And there are even flowers in bloom! Oh, it's pretty. So, so pretty.

Of course, my dad is like, "If you like the greenery, then why are you going to school up north? It won't be green up there for at least another two weeks!"

Oh, hush up.

Yes, I have been up north for the past week (well, got back yesterday, but I fell asleep before thinking of blogging.)

Last Sunday evening, Monday and Tuesday, I was in wonderful NYC, hanging out with my dad. We walked around the NYU campus briefly, went to the Apple Store on Fifth Ave (SO. BEAUTIFUL.), saw two Broadway shows (RENT and Spring Awakening), had lunch with Amy G. Walked a lot.

RENT was a last minute decision and a fantastic one at that.

Spring Awakening... oh man. Whenever someone asks me how it was, I turn into this big blubbering mess of, "Oh man, amazing, astounding, my entire life, ahhhhh!" Honestly, it lived up to everything I was hoping for, and then even more and more and more.

Then of course I got pictures at the stage door with various actors and fhgujkas meeting them is like a dream come true. Jonathan Groff is so freaking nice, seriously, and, and Jonathan B. Wright smiled at me! CAN YOU SAY LOVE? Because that's all I've been thinking. Love love love. Love everything about Spring Awakening. Ahhh.

After NYC, we left for a night in New Hampshire with my nana, and then the next day went to visit Hampshire College. I'm absolutely in love with Hampshire, but I don't want to make my final decision for at least another week. I mean, I've visited Hampshire much more recently now than I have Juniata, so of course it's going to overshadow Juniata. I'm also worried about after May 1st, when I hear back from the schools I've been wait-listed at — what if I get into one of those and decide I like it better? My dad would rather I go to Kenyon than Hampshire, for instance. But fjdiksfjk I don't know. Isn't it enough that I love Hampshire right now? I spent the afternoon with Saskia and we both went on and on about how we're so afraid of making the wrong decision.

If I go to Hampshire, though, my dad figures I'll be getting on the Amtrak every weekend so that I can go and see Spring Awakening alllll the time. PLZKTHX IF YOU INSIST, DEAR FATHER. Ahaha.

Ohhh man. But actually, I'm really tired of all things education right now. Being a second semester senior pretty much means I can't remember that I have work I need to do, and that I'd much rather be elsewhere, that soon I'll actually be elsewhere. I can't wait to get to college and care about learning again, because it'll be so nice to choose interesting classes. I mean, seriously, I could care less about Chemistry and Psychology now. Just want an escape!

Unfortunately, that escape is a little less than two months away. Until then, I guess I'll be reading books, writing out vocabulary, and cramming for tests. Worst. Ever.

Wish me survival, because I honestly don't feel like getting through the rest of this semester. Sleep beckons, but I must push it away — stupid homework. Why do I insist upon staring out the window on those long car rides, instead of doing productive things? Who knows, who knows....

I am exhausted, you all. It's almost spring break and I am pretty much wiped out. My teachers have been crazy with piling on the work, I had a calculus test today (which I think I did pretty well on, surprisingly) and I have a chemistry test tomorrow (hopefully, I'll do better than my last one). I heard from one more school (Kenyon — wait-listed), I didn't get the Juniata scholarship (though I'm over this — so glad I didn't dwell too much).

I wish I could say that I'm going to sleep a whole lot over the break — wait. No I don't. I don't care about getting sleep over spring break. Screw sleep! I'm going to see Spring Awakening!

"Oh no," you say. "Not this again."

FHUDJSKF I AM SO EXCITED, YOU ALL. SO EXCITED.

But I'll leave it at that. I'll elaborate on my excitement as showtime nears, or maybe even after the show.

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I feel so bad, I've not been improving in my blogging here. I'm such a slacker. Blame it on senioritis, okay?

What was I even going to write about here?

You know what? Bleh. I'll get back to you with a real blog entry. Eventually. I promise. I think.

So I've been gone, I know. I haven't posted in a while.

Well. Last week I was in Disney World with my school's orchestra. We did a fantastic workshop in which we got to record Beauty and the Beast, which was then put to the actual scene in the movie! Oh man, fabulous. The next day, we played a concert here in Magic Kingdom:



That's my friend Cara with me. We took a bunch of fantastic pictures with Disney characters. I love Cara so much, haha.

And, of course, we romped around the parks. It was magical, beautiful, wonderful. There's no place like Disney World.

The day after returning, Michelle and I played our first wizard rock show at the library downtown.



Yeah, I wore my Mickey pirate ears. I was (and still am) on a Disney-high. But oh man. It was amazing. Some people actually knew the words to one of our songs! And afterwards, people wanted pictures with us! And we got to sign someone's guitar! And we sold CDs! Add to my Disney-high a Wizard Rock-high and, man. I was just going crazy with love.

We played with a very lovely band called Tom Riddle And Friends.



And by lovely, I mean hot hot hot.



How about one more, yes?



*heartflutter* After they were done, they came and chatted with Michelle and me and we hugged them and all that was going through my mind was, "IS THIS REALLY HAPPENING." I am such a hormonal teenage girl.

After TRAF was Gred & Forge. He is so hilarious. And at the merch table afterwards, he gave me a copy of his CD for FREE. How cool is that?!

Unfortunately, most of my pictures of him totally sucked, so only one :(



But after him was The Remus Lupins, one of the more well-known Wizard Rock artists. Alex Carpenter is so amazing.



(And okay, attractive. I had to say it.)

This wizard rock show? The best I've ever been to. Yes, because I was in it. But, I mean. To be on the other side of the curtain, to be one of the bands instead of just one of the fangirls (well, in my case, both now)? dkjsfdmk. So happy-making.



On Wednesday, our orchestra attended festival (straight Distinguished scores! ROCK!) and then had our concert on Thursday.



My last high school festival. Next-to-last high school orchestra concert. It's starting to dawn on me that this is my last semester of high school. I'm so going to miss this orchestra when I leave for college. hfjiksjf. Stopping with the sadness right now.

Friday was Pi Day. We had a party in orchestra for the end of festival and for Disney World and stuff, in which I ate a small piece of cake, a brownie, a few cookies. It was bad. Then it got worse, because in Calculus, we had pie. I had two small pieces of pie. dfjikf. So much eating.

Then at home, my sister and I made pizza (it's a type of pie!) and strawberry pie.



We just used this Chef Boyardee box mix stuff, where you make your own dough and then it has some crappy cheese and pizza sauce. Yeah, we put on better cheese and some pepperonis. Delicious.



Working on the strawberry pie, our first (store-bought, of course) crust kind of... failed. Epically.



So we had to go out and buy another crust. Graham cracker crust probably isn't the best for strawberry pie, but we dealt.



It looks kind of messy (and a little too sharpened in this picture, sorry — it was blurry!), but it was delicious nonetheless.



It kind of fell apart on the plate, haha.



And, all right. Yamapi had to make an appearance on Pi Day. Yamapi. Pi Day. IT WORKS, ALL RIGHT? So I made this image of Yamapi's head on a strawberry pie (cough, fueling my need for strawberry pie) and then printed it out and put it in a pin. Which now is on my backpack. dfhkjsd. You love me, don't lie.

So now I'm at Saskia's house, where we've been chilling, making cookies, chilling, watching a video on volcanoes, chilling, listening to music, chilling. Tomorrow, we're going for brunch at Alfalfa's and then I'm going to the Apple Store in Louisville (the hard drive on our family computer has crapped out, and so what better time to finally visit the Apple Store?! Which, by the way, could most definitely be renamed Heaven).

Now, I'm going to go chill and listen to more music and finish crafting an e-mail to Harry and the Potters and think about how to write my music critique on Serge Gainsbourg's Ballade de Melody Nelson. Hopefully, I'll start posting more frequently again soon :)

Oh man. So I love going onto Wikipedia and looking at the birthdays and past events of each day. I don't usually look at the deaths, but for some reason today I did.

Serge Gainsbourg died March 2nd, 1991.

I think today needs to be a Serge Day. Serge music, at least for a while.

Also, happy birthday to Jon Bon Jovi. And on this day in history:

• 1919 - The first Communist International meets in Moscow.
• 1949 - The first automatic street light was installed in New Milford, Conn.
• 1953 - The Academy Awards are first broadcast on television by NBC.

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There's a lot of random stuff that I've been wanting to write about here. Jocelyn brought up skinny, Jordyn brought up distant friendships. I found an article that made me continue to think about the internet being girls' territory. But for some reason, when I begin writing stuff out, it gets all jumbled and messy and incoherent.

So maybe soon I'll have a good, interesting post. But until then, you can do what I do to have fun. Browse Wikipedia for birthdays and events. Does anyone else enjoy this as much as I do?

Seriously, we have another snow day today. A one- or two-hour delay, I might have been okay with. But a snow day?! It doesn't look like the roads are even that bad! And as far as I know, all we got was snow — not our usual ice. Ugh! At this rate, I'm not going to graduate before June (and definitely not before the country fair), and it's looking like graduation will be held on the football field, not in Rupp Arena. What the crap. Whyyy? Why do they suddenly get so snow day-happy my senior year?! It was nice the first two or so, but now it's just annoying. Bleh!

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You know how, at least in public school (and maybe in private school, I don't really know), they're required to have monthly fire drills, which tend to be really annoying because you never know when to expect them and chances are it's going to be raining or something?

I can now say that in all my years of public schooling, I actually experienced a real fire, meaning a real fire alarm at school.

Yeah, yesterday, second hour, Mr. Strohmeier runs in, "We need your fire extinguisher!" Mrs. Minor gets it for him and he's halfway across the room when the fire alarm goes off. There's a very distinct groan as we know it's too late, we actually have to go outside — and Nick informs us that it's raining (as he's just walked in late — and apparently he saw the smoke in the bathroom down the hall as he walked to class). Yes, because some idiot decided to light something on fire in the bathroom, the entire school was forced out of the building into the rain, where we stood for, oh, maybe thirty minutes or so. Then, we were ushered into the gym (which is in another building) and had to sit for around fifteenish minutes before we were allowed to go back to second hour, where we stayed until the bell for fourth hour rang. Yeah, we skipped third hour completely.

As amusing as it was at first ("Wow! An actual fire!" — we're really not all that fazed by these things, I guess), it simply turned into annoying once we realized we'd be outside for a while.

What a year to load up on AP classes, right? Five or six snow days and a fire! Wow! What luck. Um.

Mrs. Minor made light of it, though: "Those private school kids don't get stories like these! You go to college and they'll all be wanting the dirt on public school!"

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Yesterday, after orchestra rehearsal, Michelle and I took the bus (I used LexTran for the first time ever, haha) downtown and then walked to Third Street Stuff, where we consumed delicious food items and wrote a song called "Ollivander and Me." Honestly, it's the cutest song we've written so far, haha. The only thing we need now is a xylophone, because the chorus will not be complete without a cutesy xylophone transition. We're so stoked for our March 10th show (with the Remus Lupins, what!). We just need to get cracking on putting together songs and a set list, because for the few days before the 10th, we'll be in Disney World with our orchestra class, so we'll have no time to put together songs (unless Michelle finds a way to bring her guitar to Disney, haha). Well, we'll get it together. Eventually.

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We had to write a poem recently about something ugly. Of course, I wrote yet another stupid thing involving the internet (an ongoing theme in my english class for me, I guess). I'm not sure if it really qualifies as ugly, but I wrote about Wikipedia's murder of the fanpage (inspired by this post). Maybe you'll enjoy it, haha.

abandonment:
Skeet Ulrich, circa 1998,
not even a trace of frames anymore,
cast across the floor
alongside Calvin & Hobbes,
X-eyes and frayed seams

starshine backgrounds replaced
with the most horrific of phrases:
"Bandwidth Exceeded"

taken down with the Wiki sword:
Enchanted Forest, its magic no more
Television City unplugged and sparkless
Hollywood set ablaze by its own starburst effects

no more independence
only flocking to one place
the Mecca of fandom
Wikipedia, the death of individuality
GeoCities, your pages no more